Americans Jokes

Why can't americans play LoL?

They can't guard their towers.

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Why do americans get manuals when buying a new car?

I thought they only drive automatic

Why do americans like to visit Rome so much?

Because it reminds them of home.

What do you call americans flying to space?

The plot for Wall-E

Why are native americans the best strippers?

Because when they dance they make it rain.

Why is football the single best sport?

Because americans don't play it.

Why arent the americans playing chess?

they are missing two towers.

Why are americans bad at DotA ?

Because they cant defend their towers.

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American Woman Jokes More American Woman Jokes

Whats the difference between american women and middle eastern women?

American women get stoned before they commit adultery..

What's the difference between a Muslim woman and an American one?

An American woman gets stoned *before* she commits adultery.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What's the difference between Valve and uranium?

Uranium gets to its half-life on time.

What do you call an 80lb midget with 40lb testicles?

SFW) Half nuts!

Price Jokes More Price Jokes

What do you get when you take an HIV medication and raise the price 5,000%?

Rich AND famous, apparently

How do you know you are in the gardening section of Home Depot?

Everything is priced in pesos.

Agree Jokes More Agree Jokes

When do men insist that women are illogical?

When a woman doesn't agree with them.

What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.

American History Jokes More American History Jokes

What do you call the most successful vasectomist in American history?

American Snipper

What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history

French Jokes More French Jokes

What is the difference between an American rabbit and a French rabbit?

The American rabbit goes hippity hop and the French rabbit goes lickety split!

What's in Heaven and Hell?

In Heaven, the cops are British, the engineers are German, the lovers are French, the cooks are Italian and the whole thing is managed by the Swiss In Hell, the cops are German, the engineers are French, the lovers are Swiss, the cooks are British and the whole thing is managed by the Italians

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What kind of ANIMAL would DO this?

Well, that's a gazelle Jeff, so probably a lion *to other ranger* Jeff's new here

What do you call a cross between a dog and a turtle?

A cross. The animals around it have no effect on its name duh.

Fifth Jokes More Fifth Jokes

How much alcohol does it take to get a black person drunk?

About three fifths.

How much liquor does it take before you start telling racist jokes?

For me, it's about three fifths.