Bum Jokes

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

He wiped his bum.

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Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What is the worst way to ask for a cigarette in San Francisco?

You got a fag I can bum?"

This joke may have profanity.

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

What do public toilets and homeless shelters have in common?

They're both full of bums

How does an Australian clean is bum?

Bidet, mate.

What are you going to do for a face?

When the monkey wants its bum back? :D

How do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum?

A bad magician

What do you call Tums in suppository form?

Bums

Why are British anti-smoking PSA's often made by homophobes?

Because they want to prevent people from bumming fags

What's the difference between toilet paper and a knife?

Oh, you don't know I won't ask you to wipe my bum then.

How do you get stuck in an annoying conversation with a stranger?

Ask someone vaping if you can bum a cigarette.

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Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Public Toilet Jokes More Public Toilet Jokes

What's the difference between a public park and a public toilet?

I need to know before my court date on Monday.

What do public toilets and homeless shelters have in common?

They're both full of bums

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why did the man drink two beers with his lunch?

Because he wanted to drink two beers with his lunch.

How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning?

He was a good conductor.

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

Why did the janitor take early retirement?

Because he realized that grime doesn't pay.

What's your favorite joke appropriate for a 6-8 year old?

I am a ski instructor and I've recently been teaching these two boys who are 6 and 8 year old brothers. I realized today that I know zero jokes appropriate enough or funny to this demographic. I feel like they think I am super boring. Give me some help to make the chairlift more exciting!!

Rose Jokes More Rose Jokes

Why didn't Rose get an iPhone 7?

She never let go, Jack.

What's the only thing better than Roses on a Piano?

Answer: Tulips on an Organ.

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

Why do police officers sleep with two rocks near their bed?

With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed

How do you stop joint pain?

Turn it around.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What would Kim Jong-Il be doing if he was still alive today?

Scratching at the lid of his coffin.

What was the humor like back then?

I was just wondering about how many jokes today maybe irrelevant 100 years into the future. To test this theory, what are the oldest recorded jokes?

Machine Jokes More Machine Jokes

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you ?

An ATM machine

What machine should I use at the gym to impress girls?

The ATM

Target Jokes More Target Jokes

Why aren't there any Walmarts in the middle east?

Because there's Targets around every corner.

Why would Target be the worst store to run the Enterprise?

Because they all wear red shirts