Chimney Jokes

Why don't black people get presents for Christmas?

Because prisons don't have chimneys.

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What is Santas motto?

Wrap your package before you shove it down the chimney.

What do you call someone who's afraid of Santa getting stuck in their chimney?

Claus-trophobic.

Why can't there be a Santa Pig?

Pigs don't fit in chimneys.

How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he's been down?

He keeps a log

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claustrophobia!

Why does Santa go down the chimney?

Because it **soots** him. Credit: Curious: The Tourist Guide

What happens when Santa get stuck in a chimney?

He gets claustrophobic!

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?

Black mail !

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?

Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

What goes up a chimney down, but won't go down a chimney up?

An umbrella!

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Prison Jokes More Prison Jokes

Why don't black people get presents for Christmas?

Because prisons don't have chimneys.

What did the peadophile say when he was released from prison?

I feel like a kid again

Christmas Jokes More Christmas Jokes

What did the testicle say to the other testicle?

Between you and me, I think something's up." I'm slightly tipsy, this is probably a terrible joke. Merry Christmas!

What's the most popular wine at Christmas?

I don't like sprouts!"

Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What do you call someone who's never smoked weed?

ilLITerate

What's easier to get, aids or lung cancer?

Depends what you smoke. (Not native speaker, sorry if it doesn't make sense)

Wrap Jokes More Wrap Jokes

What is Eminem's favourite food?

wraps

Why did the mummy stop using the Internet?

He was getting far too wrapped up in it.

Shove Jokes More Shove Jokes

How are the Seahawks and my girlfriend similar?

they both can get 16 shoved down their throat without choking

Why doesn't Monica Lewinsky like going to the doctor?

He always shoves a Bill down her throat!

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why don't women sleep on the left side of the bed?

Because they always want to be right.

What do you call a scar left by the Swedish Chef?

A borkmark.

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

Why couldn't the soldier feel his legs?

Because his arms were blown off.

How did the woman feel after her legs were amputated?

Defeeted

Log Jokes More Log Jokes

What do you mean I can't change the past?

logs on to Wikipedia*

What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet?

The Captains log