Compliment Jokes

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

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What's an argument in the Middle East but a compliment in the U.S.A?

You da bomb" "No, you da bomb!"

How do you compliment a girl with a cold sore?

You tell her that her smile is contagious.

How do you compliment a pickle rapper's verse?

That was dill!

Why are Bananas and Chocolate Good friends?

They compliment each other nicely.

What do white girls and web developers have in common?

nobody ever compliments our back end :(

How you compliment an Italian cheese maker?

Gouda worka"

What does Mrs. pancake say when you compliment her on her weight?

Thank you, I'm flattened! I made this joke up on my drive home and am very proud of it. You monkeys better find it funny!

How do you compliment a scarecrow?

Tell him he's outstanding in his field!

What do elephants say as a compliment ?

You look elephantastic !

Whats your biggest weakness?

I'm bad at taking compliments" "Actually that's quite endearing" *Leaps across table, punches him in throat*

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Why, don't you look nice!?

I said, "Thanks." "It wasn't a compliment." she added.

Why are you so happy?

Girl2: I was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine"

What can you say to your trainer that will compliment then on your progress and also be wildly inappropriate?

You make me hard

What did the host say after her guest complimented her on her tea?

Thanks, it's my special tea.

When a girl has a ponytail... -Hey, what do you call that hairstyle?

A ponytail -Ah, it really compliments your horse face.

Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth?

Cause it looked hotter than usual! (I'll see myself out)

What phrase is a compliment in America, but an argument in the Middle East?

No, YOU the bomb.

Why was the binary number so happy?

Because of two's compliment!

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Mrs. Jokes More Mrs. Jokes

What does Mrs. pancake say when you compliment her on her weight?

Thank you, I'm flattened! I made this joke up on my drive home and am very proud of it. You monkeys better find it funny!

Why did Mr humpty dumpy push Mrs humpty dumpy off the wall?

So he could see her crack....

Smile Jokes More Smile Jokes

What's small but effective?

A smile

What do you call a smiling Roman with a hair in his teeth?

Gladiator.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

One to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the socket.

How many Librans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Er two. Or maybe one. No --- on second thoughts make that two. Is that okay with you

High Form Jokes More High Form Jokes

What's the highest form of praise you can receive from a pimp?

A: A back-handed compliment.

What's the highest form of flattery?

Summitery.

Field Jokes More Field Jokes

Why are farmers the best at what they do?

They are out standing in their field.

What do you call a person who is outstanding in their field?

A farmer

Receive Jokes More Receive Jokes

Where did you receive your education?

Me: Yale Interviewer: Wow! When did you graduate Me: I yust got out in Yuly

What does a Greek say when he receives his salary?

Danke schon.

End Jokes More End Jokes

Where do all the orphan chickens end up?

Foster Farms

How many Brazilian national football players does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows - every time they pick one up, they end up giving it away.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What do you do when you see a floating T.V. in the middle of the night?

Tell Jamal to drop it

What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?

Dishcipline This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.