Ill Jokes

What do you say when your ex has broken up with you?

Ill call you tomorow

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Which Norse God consistently uses VPNs?

Ill give you a hint, he remains very low-key.

What do you call a pirate's helicopter?

An Eye-patchy helicopter! . Ill show myself out.

What would you do of you found Chicago, Ill.?

Call Baltimore, M.D.

What did the tiger say to the detective?

I'm not lion. Ill be here all week...

What do you call a sick bird who has crossed a national border without consent?

An ILL-EAGLE! 2X COMBO

Why was the russian airforce less superior than their enemies?

Cause their airplanes kept STALIN!! (Ill see myself out...)

What do you call a sick dictator?

Kim Jong-ILL . . . . . Ill show myshelf out...

Why can't you run in camp sites?

Its 'ran', because it's past tents... Ill see myself out.

How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up?

He uses Hare Spray... (Ill see myself out)

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Ex Jokes More Ex Jokes

What happened when the pig ran into his ex?

there was a porkward silence

What do you call a 2 legged dog who always ignore your calls?

Your ex!

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why did you leave your last job?

I had a typo in a tweet. "Mistakes happen!" -I worked for Yahoo Finance. "Thanks for coming in. Bye"

What's the difference beetwen public official and private employee?

Private employee starts work checking email. Public official starts works making a coffee.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What's the difference between a potato and a vegetable...?

Not knowing how to use a coathanger...

What do you call 1,000 liberals at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start! **an old joke that my dad used to tell at every party. You could replace "liberals" with pretty much anything.

Myshelf Jokes More Myshelf Jokes

What do you call a sick dictator?

Kim Jong-ILL . . . . . Ill show myshelf out...

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

Terminal Illness Jokes More Terminal Illness Jokes

What makes an elderly millionaire bachelor more attractive?

Terminal illness.

What do you call a virus that affects your command-line?

A Terminal Illness.

Point Jokes More Point Jokes

Whats the difference between a baby and a feminist?

At some point in its life, a baby will grow up and stop crying.

What are the chances of familiarising myself with a semiaquatic amphibian to the point of ownership?

My newt.

Norse God Jokes More Norse God Jokes

What do you call a Norse god after a workout?

Thor

How did the Norse god of mischief celebrate his birthday?

With a low-key event

Cure Jokes More Cure Jokes

How does a mathematician cure constipation?

How does a mathematician cure her constipation She works it out with a pencil.

How do you cure depression?

A gun.