Ill Jokes

What do you say when your ex has broken up with you?

Ill call you tomorow

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Which Norse God consistently uses VPNs?

Ill give you a hint, he remains very low-key.

What do you call a pirate's helicopter?

An Eye-patchy helicopter! . Ill show myself out.

What would you do of you found Chicago, Ill.?

Call Baltimore, M.D.

What did the tiger say to the detective?

I'm not lion. Ill be here all week...

What do you call a sick bird who has crossed a national border without consent?

An ILL-EAGLE! 2X COMBO

Why was the russian airforce less superior than their enemies?

Cause their airplanes kept STALIN!! (Ill see myself out...)

What do you call a sick dictator?

Kim Jong-ILL . . . . . Ill show myshelf out...

Why can't you run in camp sites?

Its 'ran', because it's past tents... Ill see myself out.

How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up?

He uses Hare Spray... (Ill see myself out)

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Realise Jokes More Realise Jokes

What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill?

I'm cured!"

What's worse than finding a horse's head on your pillow?

A: Realising the horse is alive and well and how much did I drink last night !

Trust Jokes More Trust Jokes

Why should you never trust a whale with your secrets?

They're huge blubbermouths.

How can I trust you again?

H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why do carpets in white folk houses always need vacuuming?

Crackers always leave crumbs.

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the clutch.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What's the scariest thing a blind person can read in Braille?

Danger: Do not touch"

How can you tell that truckers like nuts?

They always have pecans! (Read aloud)

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why does the USA use F?

The rest of the world has varying degrees of communism.

What do prisoners used to talk to each other in jail?

Cell Phones.

Poetry Jokes More Poetry Jokes

What kind of dinosaur writes poetry?

A Bronte-saurus.

Why did the bee started talking poetry ?

He was waxing lyrical !

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How can you tell a mortician is a necrophiliac?

He's always HARD at work.

What's a mortician's least favorite day on the job?

Bring Your Kid to Work Day

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when someone spills really hot coffee on you?

You will get burned, you idiot.

What happens to a tapeworm after it dies?

It will be interred.