Lend Jokes

What did the poor composer say to his friend?

I am baroque, can you lend me some money?

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What is the best way to lose money?

A: Lend it to Greece.

What do you call it when you lend money to a bison?

A Buffa-Loan!

What did Mark Antony say to Van Gogh?

Lend me your ears

What did the pope give up for lent?

His job.

Why shouldn't you lend a anthropologist money?

They consider a million years ago to be Recent.

Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?

It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!

Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom?

Because it's a toad's tool.

Why can the Cornish always lend a hand?

They probably have a spare.

Who's there ! Celeste ! Celeste who ?

Celeste time I lend you money !

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Mark Antony Jokes More Mark Antony Jokes

What did Mark Antony say to Van Gogh?

Lend me your ears

Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons ?

He wanted Mark Antony !

Hammer Jokes More Hammer Jokes

What's the difference between your finger and a hammer?

I don't know! Well you're not using my computer keyboard then!

Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?

A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Refuse Jokes More Refuse Jokes

What happens when the cows refuse to be milked?

Udder chaos!

When Lil John goes to a hotel and they ask him if he wants turn down service, does he refuse?

That's all.

Greece Jokes More Greece Jokes

How do you end world hunger?

Put Turkey in Greece to cook it, then cut it up and put it into Chile. Then put it on China and give it to Hungary.

What do people do in Greece?

Slip and slide around.

Frog Jokes More Frog Jokes

What did the frog with the speech impediment say?

Thibbit"

Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy?

Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)

Bite Jokes More Bite Jokes

How do we know that Apes are like fish after a rainstorm?

They'll both bite at anything!

Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist?

He wanted to improve his bite.

Good Way Jokes More Good Way Jokes

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?

A. Put the remote control between his toes.

What's the best way to get bubblegum out of your hair?

Cancer

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?

Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"

What happens when you stick your hand into a jar of jelly beans?

The black ones steal your watch and the yellow ones paint your nails.