Nfl Jokes

What do you get when you mix an insurance company with an NFL quarterback?

An Aflacco

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What did the NFL Commissioner say when Adele turned down the Superbowl Halftime Show?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

Why would Keemstar make a good NFL cornerback?

He's really good at swatting.

What do Monica Lewinsky and NFL players both have in common?

It's their knees that go first.

What did Peyton Manning said to his younger brother about the new NFL rule?

ELI5 (explain me like I am five)

What's the difference between a wide receiver and Ray Rice's wife?

The NFL will review the tape of the wide receiver getting hit

What's the worst part of an NFL wedding?

Getting hit by Rice

What do the NFL and Jail have in common?

You go in as a Tight End and leave as a Wide Receiver.

What is green and white, throws pig skin, and is the worst team in the NFL?

The Jets.

What do the Police, the NFL and Black Lives Matter all have in common?

They all have the same PR guy.

What do you get if you watch the Blind Side backwards?

Oher's NFL career

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What does the NFL season and the national anthem have in common?

Kaepernick is gonna sit through them both.

Who's the nicest player in the NFL?

Drew Brees. The guy's a saint.

When is the only time a white NFL wide receiver is a good thing?

When your sister tells you she's dating an NFL wide receiver.

When is the NFL going to start drafting players with mental handicaps?

Have you ever seen a video of them getting the ball and not scoring a touchdown

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Date Jokes More Date Jokes

When I was young I wanted to date a doctor for money. Can you believe how superficial I was?

Now I would date him for the prescriptions.

Why did the banana go out with the prune?

Because he couldn't find a date.

Police Jokes More Police Jokes

How long did it take for the police to catch the man running in his underwear?

It was a brief chase...

What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened?

and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"

Jail Jokes More Jail Jokes

Why are all blacks fast?

A: The slow ones are in jail.

What's black and brown on the inside and blue and white on the outside?

Jail

Blind Jokes More Blind Jokes

Why don't blind people like skydiving?

Scares their dogs.

Why can't blind kids have imaginary friends?

Their i's don't work

Adele Jokes More Adele Jokes

What did Adele say when the chicken crossed the road?

Hello from the other side...

What did Adele say when asked where her dog is?

Groomer has it

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

How do you get over a crush you've had since high school?

Leave the dungeon door unlocked.

What did the Eskimo children sing when their principal was leaving?

Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.

Matter Jokes More Matter Jokes

Where do you want to be in 5 years?

Me: Oh, it doesn't matter. You will have fired me well before then.

How many "friend zone" guys does it take to put in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter how many. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

Tape Jokes More Tape Jokes

How do you suffocate a redneck?

Tape his mouth shut.

Why did this adhesive strip quit his work?

He just couldn't tape it anymore..