Shelf Jokes

What do you call a short priest reaching for his bible that's on the top shelf?

Christina Ricci.

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What did the bookshelf say when it looked in the mirror?

I can see my shelf"

Why do Little People hate the taste of alcohol?

Because they can't reach the top shelf.

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

I have only my shelf to blame"

Why are librarians so lonely?

They're always by them shelves Just wanted to see if that library joke checked out Sorry for all the library jokes, I'll put them on hold

What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?

The shadow of his former shelf.

What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

I blame my shelf

What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him?

I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit

Where did the spoiled milk sit?

On the top shelf. Where did the chocolate milk sit In the back.

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Shout Jokes More Shout Jokes

How Do You Get Stoned in Ancient Rome?

Start shouting Jehovah.

What does a Japanese chef shout in bed?

Ooo mami! (Umami)

Shadow Jokes More Shadow Jokes

What is it called when a prairie dog sees its shadow?

Total Eclipse of a Fart

What's as big as a horse but weighs nothing?

A horses shadow!

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

What did the Roman say when the Greek accused him of stealing his gods?

It was all a myth-take!

What did the stuttering Mexican say to his friend when he tried to steal his food?

These are nacho-nachos.

Oscar Jokes More Oscar Jokes

What's pretty and expensive but has no use?

Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar shelf.

What is the Revenant about?

The unbearable lengths one man will go to get his revenge and win an Oscar.

Gun Jokes More Gun Jokes

What does a gun, a fire extinguisher, and a condom have in common?

Its better to have it and not need it, then to need it and not have it

How do you persuade the US Senate to regulate the laws on guns?

Put them inside a woman's body.

Course Jokes More Course Jokes

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

How does Snoop Dogg get revenge?

Faux pho fo' foe. Served cold of course. I also doubt Snoop has many enemies.

Activate Jokes More Activate Jokes

What does IKEA furniture do when it's stolen?

Activates its shelf destruct sequence. I'll see myself out...

What did the sprinter with diarrhea do during the race?

He activated his bo... LOL

Ebenezer Scrooge Jokes More Ebenezer Scrooge Jokes

What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?

The shadow of his former shelf.

Why did Ebenezer Scrooge go to New York City?

A: To see the Grumpire State Building.