Situation Jokes

Why didn't the approaching black hole concern the astronaut?

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

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What did the doctor say to the man who walked off the roof of his house?

I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation.

Why don't astronauts take anything seriously?

They don't grasp the gravity of the situation...

What do you call a pachyderm that has nothing to do with the situation?

Irrelelephant.

What did the black hole say to the pulsar?

I don't think you understand the gravity of your situation

What's the difference between woman's breasts and a box of matches?

The matches are made for adults, but kids constantly grab'em and play with them. The situation is quite opposite with breasts.

What did the mailman say when his Mail truck caught fire?

That he needed to address the situation

What are you doing, idiot?

me, to other drivers on the road "What are you doing, idiot " me, to myself, in all other situations

Why did the student fail his physics test?

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Why did the atom stick around?

Cuz if he split, the situation would have gotten blown out of proportion.

How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.

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How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to assure that everything possible is being done about the situation and the other one to screw it into the faucet.

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Event Jokes More Event Jokes

What is the best definition of irony?

irony irne/ noun a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result.

What do you call a snake that studies past events?

A HISSSSStorian.

Astronaut Jokes More Astronaut Jokes

How does it feel son?

Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band

Where do astronauts leave their spaceships?

At parking meteors.

Grasp Jokes More Grasp Jokes

Why don't astronauts take anything seriously?

They don't grasp the gravity of the situation...

What is a Furman freshman doing when he grasps at thin air?

Collecting his thoughts.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What did the Navy battleship captain say to his first mate during a skirmish?

OC I think I'm feeling C6

How do pirates know they exist?

They think, therefore they ARRRRRRRR!

Fix Jokes More Fix Jokes

Which actress would you like to get stuck in an elevator with?

Me: One who knows how to fix elevators.

How many men does it take to fix a women's watch?

Why does she need a watch? There is a clock on the oven!

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What's the difference between a Afghanistan wedding and a terrorist training camp?

Don't ask me, I'm just the drone pilot.

How was the beach?

You hang ten or what " No but I stabbed a couple because they kept asking stupid questions about my vacation

Democrats Jokes More Democrats Jokes

How many Democrats does it take to destroy a light bulb?

A: None. They only know how to destroy the taxpayers.

Why do Democrats push for more gun control?

Because they can't stop shooting themselves in the foot.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What do women want?

She has been talking nonstop for the last two days.

What's the scariest thing to wake up to in the morning?

Another day.