Homeless Man Jokes

What did the homeless man get for christmas?

Nothing

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What's the difference between a hipster and a homeless man?

An Instagram account.

What did the homeless men yell when they hit each other with cardboard?

Pillow fight!

What's the difference between Kanye West, an American College student, and a homeless man?

The homeless man has $7 to his name.

What's the difference between a homeless man and a trash can?

One of them gets taken in every once in a while.

What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and a homeless man who works at McDonalds?

One of those greasy bums is making a lot more money.

How do you know if a homeless man has a girlfriend?

He has two clean fingers.

What does a homeless man gets for Christmas?

A cold.

Why does the homeless man only drink coffee?

He had no proper tea..

What do you call a homeless man?

A Hobo Sapien.

What did the homeless man say to the woman who asked if he wanted 20$?

Yeah.

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Where were u on the night of the 3rd?

Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape " Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.

What was the last thing that the homeless man heard before becoming a giant?

Go big or go home

What do you call a homeless man who trashes food you give him then says he only accepts cash?

A rootabaga.

What do you call two homeless men hitting each other with cardboard?

Pillow fight

How did the homeless man get so buff?

Because his workouts were in tents. I'll show myself out...

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About two-hundred dollars." - Johnny Carson

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One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!

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What kind of tape do kidnappers use?

abDUCT tape

Where were u on the night of the 3rd?

Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape " Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.

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How many do I need to get an Xbox?

Sir, that's not how Toys for Tots works." "FALSE ADVERTISING!"

Why was the mathematician late for work?

He took the rhombus.

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How did you lose your last job?

I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future." Sir, this is McDonald's.

How are America and McDonald's similar?

They are both run by red-headed clowns.

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Why do hipsters love Raiders of the Lost Ark?

Because it's the first Indy movie.

What's the worst thing to say to a hipster?

You remind me of someone

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Why do white people think they can say the N word?

Because it is the only thing left that still belongs to black people.

How do inmates pay for things in prison?

With ConCurrency, of course.

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Why is New Jersey called the Garden State?

Cause you're always guardin' your wallet, guardin' your car, and guardin' your house.

How do you keep the Kansas City Chiefs away from your house?

Paint a goal line on your driveway.

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What did the author tell his publisher when he handed him a 600 pages instead of the 200 the publisher had asked for?

Sorry, I overwrote your order. :-)

What has 200 legs 50 noses and is very loud?

A herd of stampeding aardvarks!