Magician Jokes

What do you call a Magician with a Parrot?

Pollygone

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What do you call the child of a magician and a potato?

A prestidigitator tot!

What do you call a dog that is also a magician?

A Labracadabrador.

What do you call a beauty pageant for cartographers and magicians?

Miss Direction.

Why are magicians always sad?

Because everything they have disappears

What did the fisherman from Boston say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!

What did the Magician say when he took some Adderall?

Hocus Focus

What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist?

A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.

What's the difference between a line of naked women and a magician?

Well, the magician has a cunning array of stunts...

What do you call a dog that is a magician?

A Labara Cadabarador

What did the magician's girlfriend say to the magician?

I can't see you anymore.

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What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear?

Hare today gone tomorrow.

What's the worst part of giving a magician a ride home?

When you get there, you turn into the driveway. Ba-dum-bum! Don't forget to tip your waitress!

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!

What did the magician say when he a did a magic trick on the spaghetti?

Pesto chango

What does a footballer and a magician have in common ?

Both do hat tricks !

What is the difference between a magician and Bernie Sanders?

The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance

How do magicians retire?

They seem to just disappear.

What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?

A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!

What did the magician say to the cell?

Might I conjure Ya

What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?

A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

When is a farmer like a magician?

A: When he turns his cow to pasture.

What do you call a magician in a Dr. Seuss book?

Who-dini

How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat?

One. It's a trick question.

Why did the magician always use trap doors during his act?

It was juts a stage he was going through.

What happens when a magician gets mad?

He rips out his hare!

What did the magician say to the aerial student?

I work on a different plane

What did the spectator say when the magician transformed Dracula into 2?

Miraculous. Edited: tough crowd

What does a hockey player and a magician have in common?

Both do hat tricks!

What did the hippopotamus do to the magician?

He hippo-tized him!

What do you call a perverted Magician?

Q: What do you call a perverted Magician A: David "Cop a Feel" ...ba dum cha!

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Psychologist Jokes More Psychologist Jokes

What's the difference between a psychologist and a groundskeeper?

One you need for a rough patch, the other you need to patch your rough.

How many psychologists does it take to change a tire?

Just one, but first the tire really has to want to change.

Potato Jokes More Potato Jokes

What do you call a potato that thinks he is in charge?

A Dictator

What do you get when you cross a hotdog and a potato?

A dictator.

Rat Jokes More Rat Jokes

What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant?

Who cares? It's a relephant.

What do you call ratting out the President's daughter for smoking weed?

High treason.

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

How does a Syrian family have a meal?

The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.

What do you call it when a Spanish man goes to court for custody of his children?

Fight for your right to padre

Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

How do know a job's been done by a lesbian carpenter?

There are no nails, and no screws, it's all tongue and groove!

What is Jesus's go-to pickup line?

Would you like me to show you what it feels like to get nailed?

Magician Wand Jokes More Magician Wand Jokes

What's the difference between a magicians wand and a police baton?

The magician's wand is used for cunning stunts

What's the difference between... A gold fish and a mountain goat?

One mucks about the mountain. What's the difference between a police batton and a magician's wand One is used for cunning stunts.

Blonde Jokes More Blonde Jokes

Why do blondes hate M&Ms?

A: They're too hard to peel.

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Need to know ASAP.

Islamic Jokes More Islamic Jokes

What happens when there are two Islamic terrorist identical brothers and one is way taller than the other?

The Twin Towers.

What would you call the Islamic State if they tried to take over Antarctica?

Ice-is I'll show myself out.