Psychologist Jokes

How many psychologists does it take to change a tire?

Just one, but first the tire really has to want to change.

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How did the psychologist die?

He Freudian slipped.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb should be willing to change.

What's the difference between a psychologist and a groundskeeper?

One you need for a rough patch, the other you need to patch your rough.

Why did no one believe the Psychologist ever went to the bathroom?

Because the 'P' is silent

What does a psychologist wear to bed?

A Freudian slip.

What did the pessimist say to the psychologist?

Only the good die, Jung.

Where does a psychologist keep his boat?

on a Freudian Slip

What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist?

A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.

What do Psychologists say to each other when they meet?

You're fine how am I "

Why can't you hear a psychologist go to the bathroom?

Because the 'p' is silent.

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What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?

A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!

Why did the cow go to the psychologist?

She had a fodder complex.

How many psychologist does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but the light bulb is going to need to change itself.

Why should Ray Charles be a psychologist?

Because he feels for everyone.

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Patch Jokes More Patch Jokes

What's the difference between a psychologist and a groundskeeper?

One you need for a rough patch, the other you need to patch your rough.

How did the ghost patch his sheet?

A: With a pumpkin patch.

P Jokes More P Jokes

Why isn't energy made of atoms?

It doesn't matter (go ahead and down vote :P)

What are a musician's favourite letters?

P and O.

Boat Jokes More Boat Jokes

What do you call a boat that gives you nothing but trouble?

A woe boat.

What do boats and fourier transforms have in common?

Both sinc when rect.

Bathroom Jokes More Bathroom Jokes

Who steals all the soap in the bathroom?

The robber ducky

Why do girls go to the bathroom in groups?

Hermione went alone and was attacked by a troll

Rabbit Jokes More Rabbit Jokes

What do you call a rabbit that plays with foxes?

A dumb bunny.

What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats?

You know you need a psychiatrist!

Habit Jokes More Habit Jokes

What do you call a Nun that bites her nails?

A bad Habit. I'll see myself out.

What do you call a group of armed nuns enforcing the status quo?

a force of habit

Pessimist Jokes More Pessimist Jokes

What do pessimists use... Q: What do pessimists use to wash their clothes?

A: Deterrent.

Why are all computer scientists such pessimists?

They always worry about the worst case!

Jung Jokes More Jung Jokes

What did the pessimist say to the psychologist?

Only the good die, Jung.

What did the humanistic psychologist say at Freud's funeral?

He died at such a Jung age.