Offer Jokes

What did the Israelite say to the american when offering him a drink?

Here, try this, Israeli refreshing!"

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Coffee Mug

Why should you work for a vegetable factory?

Because they offer a good celery.

Why did the Pokemon Company offer me a role in their upcoming TV Series?

So they could Starmie.

Which cable provider offers ISIS 24/7 support?

Daesh Network

What did the rubber say when he was offered a job as the high school choir teacher?

I can't, I'm not a conductor." Pffffffhehewheheheheheh.

Why are Russians so heartless?

Because organ traders offer good price.

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

Why did you offer me a piece of candy?

Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel.

What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese ?

Thanks I'll just have a sliver !

How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House?

A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

What do you get if you cross a Sociologist with someone in the Mafia?

An offer you can't understand.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Coffee Mug

What did one teddy bear say to the other teddy bear when he offered him some dessert?

A: No thanks, I'm stuffed.

What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner?

Thank you I'll just have a slither.

What's the difference between an Hawaiin and a Muslim ?

One always offer a snack bar after saying hello

How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to administer the anaesthetic one to extract the light bulb and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.

What do you call a cross between... a Mafia Don and post-modernism?

An offer you can't understand.

What do you get when offering a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

A: Change.

How many online courses are offered by the senior learning center?

None. They're old school.

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

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Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many American cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just beat the room for being black

How many cats sawed in half does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently 10 aren't enough :

Understand Jokes More Understand Jokes

What did phenolphthalein do when he couldn't understand his Chemistry homework?

He just added Acetic Acid until it became clear.

What did Peyton say to his younger brother when he didn't understand him?

Eli5

Role Jokes More Role Jokes

What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.

What do you give an actor playing the role of an angry street gang member?

Mad props...

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What do white guys do that lasts hours and makes white women scream?

NASCAR

Why did the sand scream?

Because the sea weed. ha.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?

Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box !

Why did the skull not want to go to prom, but still did?

He didn't have any *body* to go with But he still really wanted to bone.

Bulb Jokes More Bulb Jokes

How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. He holds the bulb and the room spins.

How many Americans does it take to change a bulb?

None, Mexicans do it for them.

Conductor Jokes More Conductor Jokes

Which member felt the warmest?

The conductor.

What did the rubber say when he was offered a job as the high school choir teacher?

I can't, I'm not a conductor." Pffffffhehewheheheheheh.

247 Jokes More 247 Jokes

When's the improper fraction helpline open?

24/7

What do you call a cancer doctor who works 24/7?

An on-call-ogist