Candy Jokes

What did the candy say as they saw a group of intimidating crackers approach?

Cheez It!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

Allahu snackbar!

Why did the man name his daughter Candy?

She was the sweetest mistake he ever made.

Which candy is never on time?

Choco-late.

What did the pedophiliac rabbi say to the young boy?

Hey there little boy, you wanna BUY some candy?

Why did Jesus go to a Candy shop?

To Test a Mint

What candy do you give your wife before you get married?

Pre-nup brittle.

How do you spell "candy" with only 2 letters?

and

Whats easier than stealing candy from a baby?

Stealing candy from a dead baby.

Why did you offer me a piece of candy?

Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel.

What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy?

Lots a candy.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Whats your favorite pickup line?

Mine is: I'll give you candy if you get in the van

What do you get if you cross teeth with candy ?

Dental floss !

How do sheep divide candy?

They all get their fair shear

Which do you choose?

WRONG. Neither. Don't ever take my candy.

What did the Israeli Prime Minister who can't say the word "and" say about candy that caused such a hubbub?

Mike Ike's are my least favorite.

How do you spell candy with two letters?

C and Y

How are music and candy similar?

We throw away the rappers.

How's everyone else holding up?

Anyone know why they all have bags of candy

Who's there ! Candy ! Candy who ?

Candy cow jump over the moon !

Why do they print nutritional information on Snickers bars?

If you don't know candy is bad for you, what are the chances you can read

Why does Daniel love white vans?

Because he likes candy... *I'll walk myself out*

Why are you stuffing all that Easter candy into your mouth?

Because it doesn't taste as good if I stuff it in my ears."

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?

It was Valenswine's Day.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time was it when Jared got fired?

When the big hand touched the little hand

What does an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac spend his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

Size Jokes More Size Jokes

What is the size of women in Italy?

Itali-cized.

What do you call a military base that has quadrupled in size?

Four-tified

Isis Jokes More Isis Jokes

What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods?

Teenagers these days be all "I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."

What do you call an extremist group of water at 0 Degrees Celsius?

ISIS

Halloween Jokes More Halloween Jokes

What do mummies like to listen to on Halloween?

Wrap music

Why was the ghost sad on Halloween?

He ain't have no boo

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

What does a depressed girl do when she needs to get a lot of work done?

She takes Sadderall.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What is the only man made object visible from space?

Holland.

How do men and women fill the fuel tank differently?

Men jiggle the nozzle afterwards.

Spin Jokes More Spin Jokes

What did the tornado say to the car?

A:('You wanna go for a spin ')

Why did your car just spin around in circles?

Motorist: I was making a U-turn and changed my mind.

Soda Jokes More Soda Jokes

Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

Allahu snackbar!

Why'd the factory worker hate their job?

Because it was soda pressing.