Spy Jokes

What's Richard Nixon's favorite game?

I spy.

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What's the NSA's favourite game?

I spy.

What do you call a spy that likes to spend time with his son?

James Bonding bah dun tss

Why did the spy stay in bed?

To stay under cover

Who is both a knight and a spy?

Sir Veillance

Why did the spy cross the road?

Because he never really was on your side.

Where do Russian Spy's live?

In a Snow Den. (This is a joke. Please refrain from yelling at me, that he is not a spy. Thank you and have a nice day.)

What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student?

An essay.

How do spies send secret messages in a forest?

A: By moss code.

Why does James Bond keep telling people his real name?

Worst. Spy. Ever.

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

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What do the Chinese call their spies?

Secret Asians.

Why did the spy steal the laptop?

It had a sticker that said 'intel inside'.

Why did the spy cross the border?

Because he never really was on your side.

What do you call it when a book spies on people?

A: A peeping tome.

What kind of spy hangs out in department stores?

A: A counter spy.

What do you like to do in your free time?

Guy: I spy on people. Girl: Really I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends. Guy: I know.

What do spies say in bed?

Shh I'm undercovers

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He was snowed in.

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I spy.

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What's black and white stinks and hangs from a line?

A drip dry skunk.

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Why didn't Stalin look both ways before he crossed the road?

He was rushin'

Why did the chicken soup cross the road?

Because it was down hill!

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What do astronauts wear to bed?

Space Jammies!

How do you get 1000 dead babies into the bed of a pickup truck?

A blender! How do you get them out? Nacho chips!

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What is the most common cause of feline blindness?

Cataracts

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What birds spend all their time on their knees ?

Birds of prey !

Why didn't the man report his credit card stolen?

Because the thief was spending less than his wife.