Spy Jokes

What's Richard Nixon's favorite game?

I spy.

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What's the NSA's favourite game?

I spy.

What do you call a spy that likes to spend time with his son?

James Bonding bah dun tss

Why did the spy stay in bed?

To stay under cover

Who is both a knight and a spy?

Sir Veillance

Why did the spy cross the road?

Because he never really was on your side.

Where do Russian Spy's live?

In a Snow Den. (This is a joke. Please refrain from yelling at me, that he is not a spy. Thank you and have a nice day.)

What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student?

An essay.

How do spies send secret messages in a forest?

A: By moss code.

Why does James Bond keep telling people his real name?

Worst. Spy. Ever.

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

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What do the Chinese call their spies?

Secret Asians.

Why did the spy steal the laptop?

It had a sticker that said 'intel inside'.

Why did the spy cross the border?

Because he never really was on your side.

What do you call it when a book spies on people?

A: A peeping tome.

What kind of spy hangs out in department stores?

A: A counter spy.

What do you like to do in your free time?

Guy: I spy on people. Girl: Really I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends. Guy: I know.

What do spies say in bed?

Shh I'm undercovers

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How much of Canada has a person from Iqaluit seen?

Nunavut.

How do you know if a flock of geese is from Canada?

They fly in an 'A' (eh)

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How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store. The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?" The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

How do most rappers build a following?

They go shopping at a department store.

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What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time?

I am not a cook

What's Richard Nixon's favorite game?

I spy.

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What do Maroon 5 and Jack Reacher have in common?

They both spend all their money on payphones.

Why did the eskimo spend 3 hours arguing with the return counter?

Because the warranty is void if the seal is broken.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What are your best "If I had for every time..." jokes?

Two of my favorites are:

What did russian judge say to the jury?

I better stop Stalin for time and Putin a little more effort.

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)

What's the difference between my bed and my imagination?

You aren't naked in my bed.

Nice Day Jokes More Nice Day Jokes

What does a french truck driver shout during Bastille Day?

Have a NICE day!

Where do Russian Spy's live?

In a Snow Den. (This is a joke. Please refrain from yelling at me, that he is not a spy. Thank you and have a nice day.)

Fly Jokes More Fly Jokes

What happened when the composer got angry?

He flew off the Handel

Where can you buy a 3 headed flying purple camel with 74 noses?

Ebay.