Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.
Couple's Daily Question Mug
Coffee Mug
Davey.... are we pouring concrete today "
Elementary, my dear Watson.
Scratching at the inside of his coffin.
BART: I don't know where my hair starts
A slipper. (Made this up today, but almost definitely will have been made up before by someone else)
It has so many problems! -Sorry doing a whole bunch of math today and i thought of this.
Cos I'm quitting today."
Current.
Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.
Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes
Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait Boss: Today!
Doc says, "Tell him I can't see him today."
Cancer.
Never 21
They saw it as a sign to pare.
Sushi bars and stop signs.
Ask them to pronounce the following: **HIRES**
First person shooter.
Non-athletic-sport-centered-around-rednecks (I heard this forever ago and wanted to share. Sorry if it happens to be a repost.)
A: party poopers
Yeah, I'm av**ale**able.
Ah-so-late!
He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.
So they know if they are going to the gig, or coming from it. Ta-boom!
Guardians of the galaxy
A lawn moo-er.
snickering) Nice suit, must have cost you an ...
A buccaneer!