American Jokes

What do you call a tear in the American flag?

An old glory hole.

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What are the loud, metal things that the Japanese hit?

American ships.

What do you call an American communist?

Manifesto Destiny

What did the Ukrainian say to the whiny American?

Crimea River.

What dog would you want on your American football team?

A golden receiver!

What do you call it if you were to second guess your decision to book time at a native american community?

That's a reservation reservation reservation. (Credit to Brian Regan)

How many American cops does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

Two. One to arrest the room for being black, and the other to arrest the bulb for being broke.

How many American cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just beat the room for being black

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

How many American presidents does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None, broken lightbulbs have the rights to be treated as a normal lightbulb.

How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

None. According to Trump, they outsourced it to India & China.

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How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. Their President outsources the job to India.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, that's a Mexican's job.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!

If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there?

European

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Description Jokes More Description Jokes

What would you use to write down a description of the dump you just took?

A No. 2 pencil.

What's the difference between an American zoo and a Chinese zoo?

An American zoo will only have a description of the animal. The Chinese zoo has the price and recipe of the animal.

Adultery Jokes More Adultery Jokes

Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

Whats the difference between american women and middle eastern women?

American women get stoned before they commit adultery..

American History Jokes More American History Jokes

What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history

What do you call the most successful vasectomist in American history?

American Snipper

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What do you call a Mexican girl who loves to sleep around?

A Burrithoe

Why did the woman fall in love with the surgeon?

Because he cauterize.

World Jokes More World Jokes

What's the most oldest joke in the world?

The human race.

Who's the fastest tailor in the world?

Sonic the Swift Taylor

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What was the last thing that went through Paul Walker's mind before he died?

The windshield.

What do Jay Leno and Payton Manning have in common?

They both know when it's time to turn things over.

Lift Jokes More Lift Jokes

What kind of trophy do I get every time I lift weights?

Hypertrophy!

Why does a flamingo lift up one leg ?

Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over !

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a pedant and a sadist?

A sadist is honest about his intentions. That probably wasn't funny, but what do I know?

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies?

Disney movies can still touch children.