American Jokes

What do you call a tear in the American flag?

An old glory hole.

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What are the loud, metal things that the Japanese hit?

American ships.

What do you call an American communist?

Manifesto Destiny

What did the Ukrainian say to the whiny American?

Crimea River.

What dog would you want on your American football team?

A golden receiver!

What do you call it if you were to second guess your decision to book time at a native american community?

That's a reservation reservation reservation. (Credit to Brian Regan)

How many American cops does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

Two. One to arrest the room for being black, and the other to arrest the bulb for being broke.

How many American cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just beat the room for being black

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

How many American presidents does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None, broken lightbulbs have the rights to be treated as a normal lightbulb.

How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

None. According to Trump, they outsourced it to India & China.

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How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. Their President outsources the job to India.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, that's a Mexican's job.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!

If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there?

European

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European Jokes More European Jokes

What do you say to an Italian who is urinating on the sidewalk?

European!

What's an eastern European cannibal's favorite snack?

Czechs Mix

7 Day Jokes More 7 Day Jokes

Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?

A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.

How do you call an American that hasn't gone to the toilet in 7 days?

An American full of himself.

French Jokes More French Jokes

What do you call an eerie French pastry chef?

A crepe.

Why did the French have so many civil wars?

So they could win one.

Fifth Jokes More Fifth Jokes

What about the two old ladies who brought a bottle of whiskey to the baseball game?

At the bottom of the fifth the bags were loaded.

What would American Psycho 3 be called if it had Martin Shreli as the lead actor?

American Psycho 3: Pleading the Fifth

American Woman Jokes More American Woman Jokes

What's the difference between a Muslim woman and an American one?

An American woman gets stoned *before* she commits adultery.

Whats the difference between american women and middle eastern women?

American women get stoned before they commit adultery..

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What's worse than biting an apple and finding a worm?

biting an apple and finding half a worm

Whats an Italians favourite part of football?

Half time, they get to switch sides again

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

Why did the sailboat start exercising?

It wanted to get into ship-shape. HA!

American History Jokes More American History Jokes

What do you call the most successful vasectomist in American history?

American Snipper

What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history