Angel Jokes

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

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Why women prefer devils instead of angels?

Because devils are horny.

This joke may have profanity.

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

Depends on what tune the Devil happens to be playing. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.

How many angels can a pinhead dance on?

To hold up their pants.

What do you call the angel in charge of hydroelectrics?

A God dam engineer.

What do you call a woman in heaven?

An Angel A crowd of women in heaven - A host of Angels And all women in heaven - PEACE ON EARTH!

What happened when the two angels got married?

They lived harpily ever after!

What did one angel say to the other?

Halo."

How do angels greet each other?

They say Halo.

Why did the angel lose her job?

She had harp failure.

How do you talk to an angel" Me: I don't know, Skype I guess?

How do you hold her close to where you are" Me: Aren't most angels men

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What did the angel say when he saw God make the element Phosphorus?

It's a match made in Heaven!

Whoa- is that Elvis?

Angel- no, it's an impersonator M: Wow, is that... A: listen man all we got is impersonators

What does a baby mouse say to its mother after seeing a bat?

Look mom, an angel!

Where'd he go?

and the angel said, "He's at IHOP for never-ending pancakes" and they were like, "Word."

How's your wife been?

Harry...."She's an angel, how about yours " Bob...."Egh, mine is still alive."

What's the difference between an angel and a Scotsman?

To one you say, "Hey you, get off my cloud!" The other: "Hey McLoed, get off my ewe!"

What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven?

If you guessed "Heaven nun" or "Angel nun" you're wrong. The answer was "Nun of the Above".

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Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Where do spiders play their FA Cup final ?

Webley stadium !

What game do old black people play?

Blingo!

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

Why Did The Man With One Hand Go To The Shopping Centre?

To go to the second hand shop

What's three times worse than OCD?

OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait the last time didn't feel right. OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait, the second time didn't feel right. OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait...

Dance Jokes More Dance Jokes

Why didn't the ghost go to the dance party?

Because he had no-body to dance with.

Where do footballers dance?

At a football!

Tune Jokes More Tune Jokes

What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?

A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.

What was Beethoven's favorite food?

BA-NA-NA-NAAA!!!!! (to the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)

Los Angeles Jokes More Los Angeles Jokes

How bad is my career?

I met a homeless guy on the beach in Los Angeles & thought "Wow this guy has it made"

When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?

I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"

Depend Jokes More Depend Jokes

What do old people smell like?

Depends

What's the largest organ in the human body?

A:** That depends. If you've just swallowed a Steinway and a Wurlitzer, it's probably the Steinway.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How does a fish always know how much they weigh?

Because they have their own scales!

How do you know if someone has been to Florida?

They'll tell you.

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

What next?

Damn. I guess we'll have talk to people in real life.

How do you find the defendant?

Jury Foreman: Well...I guess I just look right at him. Why -- isn't that how you do it