Exercise Jokes

What does the captain of the USS Enterprise do for exercise?

Jean-Luc Picardio

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What do you call a gunman who exercises?

An active shooter!

What do the people of Skyrim use to exercise?

A Nordic Track.

What kind of exercise did Jesus do?

Crossfit

How do college students exercise?

By swimming in their debt.

How do you get rid of an obese demon?

You exercise it.

What does seven days without exercise make?

One weak!

How do I get to 280?

A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

What does a dog like to wear when it's exercising?

Pants.

What device did Jared Fogle use to keep track of his exercise progresswhen he lost over 200 pounds on the Subway diet?

A pedometer

What is this world coming to?

Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise

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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops?

Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.

Why did the sailboat start exercising?

It wanted to get into ship-shape. HA!

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do?

Diddily-squats.

What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym?

Diddly squat

How often do you exercise?

About 3 to 4 times a week. "Be honest." 2003.

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Creamation.

What shape gets rid of curses?

A hexagon

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Why do Chemists have so much debt?

Because they have so much Antimony!

What did the college student say to a banker?

I am forever in your debt.

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Why is Jesus always sad?

Because Jesus Christ (Cries)

What would the punishment be for smoking a joint in the times of Jesus Christ?

You would get stoned. And then get rocks thrown at you.

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What type of currency do people use in outer space?

STARbucks.

Why do people say clean as a whistle?

Whistles aren't clean, they're full of spit

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What do the people of Skyrim use to exercise?

A Nordic Track.

What do you call a Skyrim fan that is good at CSGO?

Nova'kiin

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How did Jesus stay in shape?

Crossfit

What do you call an exercise group run by Jesus Christ?

Crossfit.

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How about an app that keeps track of every working automatic paper towel dispenser in the world?

All seven or eight of them.

How do you put a baby to sleep?

You rock them. What if it doesn't work? Use a bigger rock.

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Why was the gunman on a diet?

Because he was still at large.

What do you call a gunman who exercises?

An active shooter!