Insect Jokes

What did the insect say when he saw a gnat get hit?

He did gnat see that coming"

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What insect is the Wood Ant related to?

The Should Ant and the Could Ant.

Why won't you ever see an ant walk in a church?

They're insects. I'll show myself out.

Why don't ants go to church?

Because they are insects.

What do you call insects of the order Mantodea during mating season?

Laying mantises.

What insect would Richard Simmons be?

Is he a ladybug or a fruit fly?

What did the pink panther have all over his house after he fumigated for insects?

dead ants... dead ants... dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead aaaaantsss

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

Which insect didn't play well in goal ?

The fumble bee !

What's your favourite kind of insect?

FLY, YOU FOOLS!

What insect runs away from everything ?

A flee !

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What insect is good at math?

A: An account-ant.

What insect does a neckbeard keep as a pet?

M'ladybug

What happened to the man who turned into an insect ?

He just beetled off !

What do you call an insect that gets exposed to radiation but nothing of consequence happens to it?

A moot ant

Why was the insect kicked out of the wildlife preserve?

A: It was a litterbug.

What's the difference between a bug and an insect?

Judging by Table 5's reactions, not a lot.

What kind of insects to secret agents like?

as told by my 9 yr old) Spiders.

What insect can be spelled with just one letter?

Bee.

Which is the only insect that needs to wear shoes?

Mosqui-toes.

What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth ?

An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe !

What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger with an insect ?

The Masked-quito !

What do insects learn at school ?

Mothmatics !

Why does the Fonz dress up as an insect when going on a journey?

Because he wants to get from ayy to bee.

What lives in gum trees ?

Stick insects !

What do you call an insect with magical powers?

A spelling bee.

What do you get if you cross a moth with a firefly?

An insect that can find its way around a dark closet.

What do you get if you cross an insect and a dance ?

A cricket ball !

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Why was Sean Connery accused of piracy while drinking tea?

He took a ship.

How many Mormons does it take to drink a 12 pack of beer?

One if nobody is watching.

House Jokes More House Jokes

What room is missing from almost every house?

a Mushroom

Why do Republicans make good DJs?

Because they know how to shut the House down.

Thousand Jokes More Thousand Jokes

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

What do you call ten thousand pastors setting themselves on fire in protest of marriage equality?

A good start.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How does a woman know she's sleeping with a forklift driver?

He beeps twice before coming through the flaps.

What do you say when someone dies while getting an erection?

He came and went at the same time.

Lack Toe Jokes More Lack Toe Jokes

What do you call someone who hates people without toes and can't have ice cream?

Lack-toes intolerant

What do you call a man with no feet and is allergic to milk?

Lack-toes intolerant

Toe Jokes More Toe Jokes

What's worse than stubbing your toe?

The Holocaust

What do I think about my toes?

They couldn't be further from my mind.

Relate Jokes More Relate Jokes

What is the best animal related joke you know?

These jokes should be any jokes that are even vaguely related to animals!

What inning is it?

is not a valid Football related question. Sports are hard.

Torture Jokes More Torture Jokes

Who needs whips and chains?

Christian should have had Ana read Fifty Shades of Grey if he wanted to torture her.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.