Pumpkin Jokes

What did the pumpkin say after waking up his family?

Awaken, my pump- "

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Why does Cinderella never win the Olympics?

She has a pumpkin for a coach and runs away from the ball.

Why was Cinderella bad at basketball?

Because her coach was always a pumpkin.

What do you call a Tumblr user who identifies as a device which inflates a tire?

A pumpkin!

Why is Cinderella so bad at football?

A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach B. Because she keeps running away from the ball

How is Halloween celebrated in Kentucky?

pumpkin

What does a redneck do on Halloween?

Pumpkin

What do stupid kids do at Halloween?

They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.

What's with the knives?

Wait, stop. Please stop!" - pumpkin

Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin?

It wanted to play squash.

Why is Halloween a hillbilly's favorite holiday?

Because they like to pumpkin. I'll see myself out...

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Why couldn't Cinderella play football very well?

Her coach was a pumpkin

What do Mountain folk do on Halloween?

Pumpkin.

Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?

They have no hands to knock on the door.

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What's the difference between astronomy & astrology?

Me: Approximately 50-60 IQ points.

What do you get when you cross astronomy and cosmology with a dyslexic girl at starbucks?

Astrology, cosmetology, and a pumpkin space latte

Pumpkin Patch Jokes More Pumpkin Patch Jokes

How did the ghost patch his sheet?

A: With a pumpkin patch.

How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?

You use a pumpkin patch.

Jack O Lantern Jokes More Jack O Lantern Jokes

Why is stupid monster like a jack-o'-lantern?

They both have empty heads.

How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?

With a pumpkin patch!

Celebrate Jokes More Celebrate Jokes

How do you celebrate Christopher Columbus day?

Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours.

How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on?

asking for a friend

Basketball Jokes More Basketball Jokes

What do you call someone with March Madness who doesn't even like basketball?

A hypochondriac

How Do You Make A Blind Man Angry?

Give him a basketball and ask him what it says.

Device Jokes More Device Jokes

What do you call a Tumblr user who identifies as a device which inflates a tire?

A pumpkin!

What's the difference between USB and USA?

One connects to all your devices and access your data, one connects to all your devices and access your data.

Knife Jokes More Knife Jokes

What did the knife say to the pretty lady?

Nothing, she knew what was coming...

What did the knife say to the potato?

Now I've got to cut you.

Fix Jokes More Fix Jokes

When I fix someone's computer and they say "Wow how'd you do that?

I tell them I'm a wizard then throw glitter in their face.

Why wasn't there a Captain America movie tie in videogame?

Because every time one bug was fixed, 2 more appeared.