Pumpkin Jokes

What did the pumpkin say after waking up his family?

Awaken, my pump- "

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Why does Cinderella never win the Olympics?

She has a pumpkin for a coach and runs away from the ball.

Why was Cinderella bad at basketball?

Because her coach was always a pumpkin.

What do you call a Tumblr user who identifies as a device which inflates a tire?

A pumpkin!

Why is Cinderella so bad at football?

A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach B. Because she keeps running away from the ball

How is Halloween celebrated in Kentucky?

pumpkin

What does a redneck do on Halloween?

Pumpkin

What do stupid kids do at Halloween?

They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.

What's with the knives?

Wait, stop. Please stop!" - pumpkin

Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin?

It wanted to play squash.

Why is Halloween a hillbilly's favorite holiday?

Because they like to pumpkin. I'll see myself out...

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Why couldn't Cinderella play football very well?

Her coach was a pumpkin

What do Mountain folk do on Halloween?

Pumpkin.

Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?

They have no hands to knock on the door.

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What do stupid kids do at Halloween?

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What did Cinderella say when she reached the ball?

Nothing, she just made gagging noises

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How many SJW's does it take to fix a lightbulb?

100. 100 who complain about the lightbulb oppressing them, and 1 man to actually do it.

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Because they'll blow you up and then apologize.

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Shrekmate.

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What do you call... ...a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Bob

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake?

Bob

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What do you mean I can't identify as a television?

Just watch me!

What does Darth Vader identify as on Tumblr?

Ana-kin

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What do you call a family that runs a gas station?

Pump kin.

Why do rednecks love fall?

Because it's the only time of year they can pump kin.

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Why does Washington DC stink?

Because of the B O

What are you planting???

B: The seed of doubt. A: Dude, that's the worst joke I've ever heard! A: Or is it the best???