Twist Jokes

What is the difference between a doorknob and a Zika baby's head?

When you twist the doorknob it doesn't scream.

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How many twists does a feminist need to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just grab it and the world to revolve around them.

What is the similarity between a weiner and a Rubik's Cube?

The more you twist them the harder they get.

Why were the ants dancing on top of the jar of jam?

It said "twist to open"

What's M. Night Shyamalan's favorite flavor of ice cream?

Twist

What did the cannibal coach yell when his player twisted his ankle?

Wok it off! Wok it off!

What's the easiest way to twist someone's arm?

Thalidomide

What is a tornado ?

Mother nature doing the twist !

What do bad dancers have in common with Michael J Fox trying to use the soft serve ice cream machine?

They both have a hard time pulling off a twist.

How can you mend King Kong's arm if he's twisted it?

With a monkey wrench.

What did one tornado say to the other?

A. "Let's twist again like we did last summer...."

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How do you make a door cry?

You twist its knob. edit: grammar

Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?

A: The lid said, "Twist to open."

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to get it 95% done, and the second to give it the twist at the end.

Why did the little kid dance on the jar of jam?

Because the top said "Twist to open."

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Detective Jokes More Detective Jokes

Why was the detective excited when he found a thimble sized crown?

He was looking for Finger Prince. (Say it out loud if you don't get it.)

What do you call a reptile that works as a detective?

An investigator.

Jar Jokes More Jar Jokes

What's the difference between a jar of mayonnaise and France?

If you leave the jar alone for 200 years it'll develop a culture.

What do you call it when you tie a brick to a jar of Miracle Whip and throw it into the ocean?

Sink-o de Mayo"

Yell Jokes More Yell Jokes

What do you call a grandpa who couldn't understand why his email wanted to upload his attachment to share it?

An old man yelling at the cloud

Why is there lipstick on your collar?

she yelled. "It's part of the design," I said, opening up my wardrobe, "Look, I have the entire collection."

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?

I don't know, she hasn't opened it

What time does Sean Connery get to the US Open?

Ten-ish

Pretzel Jokes More Pretzel Jokes

How do you like it?

Me: Salty...of course *slaps down $20 CG: We'll take two pretzels with salt Get outta the gutter pervs

What do you call a pretzel with roofies in it?

Forget-me-knots!

Discover Jokes More Discover Jokes

Why was Ohm the Empire's best scout?

He discovered the resistance

What did the scientist say when he discovered the lowest possible temperature?

Similarity Jokes More Similarity Jokes

What's the similarity between your wife and a tin roof in a hurricane?

If you didn't nail them properly they'll go see your neighbor

What's the similarity between Chris Brown being released and Pokemon Go being released?

An increase in battery cases.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What's the difference between a beer and a down syndrome kid?

If you end up with a badly poured beer you can blow it's head off.

What did one slice of bread say to the other at the end of a game of chess?

It's stale, mate."