Ireland Jokes

What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?

One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.

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What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much?

Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty

What is the stinkiest number in Ireland?

Farty.

Why wasn't Christ born in Ireland?

Because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Why did the pirate go to Ireland?

he thought he was going to Arrrland.

What do you call a fast sheep in Ireland?

A virgin.

What do you call a pirate from Ireland??

Arrrish

What did Saint Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland?

Are ye alright in the back there lads?

Why are there so many people in Ireland?

Cos' they keep Dublin and Dublin and Dublin...

What do you say if your peeing in Ireland and spot a leprechaun?

Urine luck

Why Ireland so rich?

Because its capital is always Dublin.

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Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?

They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

What do you call sunscreen in Ireland?

Pubs

Where did AT&T get their 2007 slogan?

Ireland: More bars in more places

Why is Dublin the capital of Ireland?

Cause it keeps on Dublin and Dublin.

What's the difference between Iceland and Ireland?

A consonant.

What's the difference between Ireland and America?

When we say waterboarding in Ireland it means surfing.

Why is everyone investing in Ireland?

because the capital is always Dublin!

Why is it so expensive to live in Ireland?

Cause they keep *Dublin* the taxes.

Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?

Because it's capital is always Dublin.

What is similar between Spain, Ireland, and the United States?

Their economies falter after a popping of a housing bubble.

What side of the road do they drive on in ireland?

None. They're so drunk and violent no one is allowed to drive.

Why is the capitol of Ireland growing so fast?

because the population is always Dublin.

How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

By sending in millions of Muslims

What do you call a set of chairs kept outside in Ireland?

Paddy O' Furniture

Where did AT&ampT get their 2007 slogan?

Ireland: More bars in more places

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Why didn't the Irishman add another bean?

He stopped at 239 because if he added another one it would be 'too farty'. It would've been funnier if I could do an Irish accent.

Why are there only two hundred and thirty nine beans in a bowl of bean soup?

Because just one more and it would be two-farty

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What's the real reason Lego Movie didn't get nominated for an Oscar?

They thought it was called "The Leo Movie".

What you hope someone might say about you when they approach your casket?

Hey, I think he moved.

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What's the difference between Iceland and Ireland?

A consonant.

What do you call the kid of an Iceland and Cuban parents?

Ice cubes.

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What's the difference between a lady and a laddy?

The D

What's the difference between a gun and a feminist?

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What's a skunk's favourite game in school?

Show and smell!

What's incredibly fast and smells like curry?

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