Ireland Jokes

What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?

One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.

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What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much?

Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty

What is the stinkiest number in Ireland?

Farty.

Why wasn't Christ born in Ireland?

Because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Why did the pirate go to Ireland?

he thought he was going to Arrrland.

What do you call a fast sheep in Ireland?

A virgin.

What do you call a pirate from Ireland??

Arrrish

What did Saint Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland?

Are ye alright in the back there lads?

Why are there so many people in Ireland?

Cos' they keep Dublin and Dublin and Dublin...

What do you say if your peeing in Ireland and spot a leprechaun?

Urine luck

Why Ireland so rich?

Because its capital is always Dublin.

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Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?

They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

What do you call sunscreen in Ireland?

Pubs

Where did AT&T get their 2007 slogan?

Ireland: More bars in more places

Why is Dublin the capital of Ireland?

Cause it keeps on Dublin and Dublin.

What's the difference between Iceland and Ireland?

A consonant.

What's the difference between Ireland and America?

When we say waterboarding in Ireland it means surfing.

Why is everyone investing in Ireland?

because the capital is always Dublin!

Why is it so expensive to live in Ireland?

Cause they keep *Dublin* the taxes.

Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?

Because it's capital is always Dublin.

What is similar between Spain, Ireland, and the United States?

Their economies falter after a popping of a housing bubble.

What side of the road do they drive on in ireland?

None. They're so drunk and violent no one is allowed to drive.

Why is the capitol of Ireland growing so fast?

because the population is always Dublin.

How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

By sending in millions of Muslims

What do you call a set of chairs kept outside in Ireland?

Paddy O' Furniture

Where did AT&ampT get their 2007 slogan?

Ireland: More bars in more places

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What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public?

A private tooter

What do you call it when a king rips a fart?

Air to the throne.

Saint Patrick Jokes More Saint Patrick Jokes

What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.

What's the only major difference between Cinco de Mayo and Saint Patrick's day?

Nobody wants to pretend to be a Mexican for a day.

Virgin Jokes More Virgin Jokes

What do they call a virgin down in the south?

Faster than her brother!

Why doesn't UGA ever have a nativity scene at Christmas?

Because they can't find three wise men and a virgin.

Place Jokes More Place Jokes

What did the cremated Buddha who was placed in a cardboard box say?

I'm in light urn.'

Why do Mexicans always walk around like the own the place?

Their dad built it, and their mom cleans it

Christ Jokes More Christ Jokes

Where did Christ get his ripped abs?

Cross fit

Why wasn't Christ born in Ireland?

Because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Farty Jokes More Farty Jokes

Why does d' perfect Irish stew require exactly two hundred n' terty nine beans?

Because if you added one more it'd be two farty.

Why didn't the Irishman add another bean?

He stopped at 239 because if he added another one it would be 'too farty'. It would've been funnier if I could do an Irish accent.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between public hair and pubic hair?

Pants.

What's the difference between gluten and hillbillies?

One's inbred, the others in bread

America Jokes More America Jokes

What's the difference between America and a pot of yogurt?

If you leave a pot of yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture.

How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics?

They take their prison population and school population to Rio.