Promise Jokes

What do you call someone who promises change but ends up burning millions of undesirables?

Sean Murray and PS4 users

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What do you call a promise you can't keep?

A campaign promise.

Why was Wycleff Jean on L&O this week?

He only promised to be gone until November

What is it good for?

Some people say "nothing", but my stock portfolio's looking promising.

What did the CN tower say to the clouds???

Only the tip baby, I promise!

Why is a reflection always twice as good as the real thing?

i actually don't know where to post this idea, true jokes maybe?... There has to be a food for thought sub. This is your OP, I promise to deliver!

What happens when Nigel Farage makes a promise?

He brexit.

Where's the cake?

Mom of kid: We don't believe in sugar. Me: I promise it's real. I've seen it with my own eyes.

How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Just one more guys I promise.

Where's the election victory that you promised me?

Satan: Where's the soul that you said you had

What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas?

A: Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one.

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Why did a pregnant lady walk into Jimmy Johns?

They promised freaky fast delivery

What do you call a black guy who reneges on a promise?

Unreliable, you racist prick.

How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?

None--He'll only promise "change."

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

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What is the only thing that will be "Feeling the Bern"?

Working people's wallets.

What did the black horse name its daughter?

Sha-neigh-neigh. Thought of it at work.

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What game do M Night Shymalan's family play at Christmas?

Secret Satan.

Why did Satan keep growing his herb garden even when his oregano died each time?

Because he always had a Hell of a good thyme.

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When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."?

No one should be that happy.

What's the difference between a woman and a man?

A woman will buy something on sale even if she doesn't need it. A man will buy something he needs at full price. Then, what is the difference between a black woman and a black man? The black woman will steal something she doesn't need. The black man goes to jail because you can't hide diapers under a shirt.

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What do you get when you cross a fish with no eyes?

PETA

What has six legs two arms four eyes and a tail?

A man holding an aardvark.

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Why don't snakes have balls?

Because hardly any of them know how to dance.

What's the difference between an Olympic swimmer and an Olympic diver?

Mark Spitz and Greg Swallows Yeah, I know it's old....

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What do you call someone who promises change but ends up burning millions of undesirables?

Sean Murray and PS4 users

How many reps would you usually do?

he asked. "A million," I rep lied.

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What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

What's the difference... ...between Mick Jagger and an angry Scotsman?

One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says "Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"