Toy Jokes

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Why do Santas elves take forever to finish making toys?

Because they are always a little behind

Where does the pirate shop for his kid for Christmas?

Toys Arrrrrrrrrrr Us

Why did the toy company stop donating toys to kids in Africa?

Because it's pretty depressing to have a Tamagotchi that'll out-live you.

What kind of cars do jedis drive?

A toy-

Where is a pirates favorite place to shop for toys?

Toys arrrrrr Us.

Why couldn't little Johnny get the toy he saw on TV?

His parents weren't 18 or older.

Why was the alligator sad?

It had a kiddie meal but didn't get a toy.

Why wouldn't the shrimp share his toys?

Because he is a little shellfish.

How many do I need to get an Xbox?

Sir, that's not how Toys for Tots works." "FALSE ADVERTISING!"

What can we do to make it even scarier?

Put a toy for babies on its tail. YES

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Where do black parents get gifts for their children?

At Toys We Is

What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?

ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone sack time!!

What do you call an elf who lost all his toys?

Legolas

What did woody and buzz say to your mom?

Strange to see your toys have the same name as us."

Why did all the other toys throw RaggedyAnn out of the toy box?

She kept on sitting on Pinocchio's face yelling "Lie to me, lie to me!"

What do you call Santa without toys?

A lost Clause

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Doug Got a set of tweezers as the toy as well. Hours of fun right there.

What if I color on you?

What if I run a truck along your back Steal your toy Throw a ball Spit food at you - My toddler, wooing the dog

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Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

A: Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.

What do the Globetrotters do when they're finished urinating?

The Harlem Shake

Build Jokes More Build Jokes

What's that Sarge?

Someone's building a pig."

Why don't women fart?

They can't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

What did the pirate say when he saw his kid lighting the ship on fire?

Arrr son!

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of cancer was Jar Jar diagnosed with?

Meesathelioma.

What kind of superhero would Caitlyn Jenner be?

An Ex-Man.

Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

Whos the funniest disney princess?

raPUNzel *sits there laughing to self* ...so lonely..

How many chemicals are crack?

Lets get this done in one sitting.

Pinocchio Face Jokes More Pinocchio Face Jokes

What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio's face?

Tell me a lie. Tell me the truth. Tell me a lie. Tell me the truth. Tell me a lie...

Why did all the other toys throw RaggedyAnn out of the toy box?

She kept on sitting on Pinocchio's face yelling "Lie to me, lie to me!"

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

What did Anakin Skywalker cry out as he lay dying and on fire?

Patme! Patme! Credit to my wife on this one

How are strippers and Subway workers similar?

They'll both lie and tell you it's a footlong to get paid.

Elf Jokes More Elf Jokes

What do you call a woodland elf without any connecting plastic bricks to play with?

Legolas

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.