Voldemort Jokes

How does Voldemort seal his mail?

With his Parceltongue. (...I'll see myself out)

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What do you call a bad riddle?

Voldemort

How did voldemort look like when he was hiding in albania?

Pretty gaunt

What would Voldemort name his pet tortoise ?

Voldetort.

Why does voldemort have flat face?

He ran into wrong wall at train station

What if Voldemort's last horcrux was his virginity?

Then Harry Potter would have to destroy it ofcourse.

What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear?

Hor-crocs.

What's the difference between Voldemort and Tyrion Lannister?

One had a horcrux, the other had a whorecrush..

How did the witches and wizards in the Alzheimer's ward refer to Voldemort?

You-knew-who

How can you tell Voldemort used the bathroom before you?

He leaves a dark mark

Why are all the ladies attracted to Voldemort?

Because of his hex appeal.

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What happened to Voldemort's face?

Nobody nose.

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What do you call a pushy aquatic mammal?

Press'n Seal

What do seal hunters and teens have in common?

They both love clubbin'

Tyrion Lannister Jokes More Tyrion Lannister Jokes

How old is Tyrion Lannister?

A: Peter Dinkl-age

What's the difference between Voldemort and Tyrion Lannister?

One had a horcrux, the other had a whorecrush..

Destroy Jokes More Destroy Jokes

Why did the identical twins survive the plane crash?

Because twins being destroyed by planes is too cliche, I guess.

What do you call ISIS after it has been completely destroyed?

WASWAS!

Lady Jokes More Lady Jokes

What is the difference between a laddie and a lady?

One has a d where the other doesn't.

What do hip pigs call their ladies?

Fine swine.

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What's the difference between a wealthy man wearing a tux and riding a bike and a hobo in torn jeans and shirt riding a unicycle?

Attire.

What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team?

The guy would survive the first round.

Virginity Jokes More Virginity Jokes

What does a 14 year-old Native American girl say when she loses her virginity?

Stop Dad, you're crushing me smokes!

What does a 12 year old redneck girl say when she loses her virginity?

Get off me dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Mail Jokes More Mail Jokes

Why don't the post office get the Jehovah's Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday?

Work smarter not harder people.

How do writers send e-mail?

On the Inkernet.

Witch Jokes More Witch Jokes

What is the witches motto ?

We came we saw we conjured !

Why won't a witch wear a flat cap?

Because there's no point in it.