Voldemort Jokes

How does Voldemort seal his mail?

With his Parceltongue. (...I'll see myself out)

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What do you call a bad riddle?

Voldemort

How did voldemort look like when he was hiding in albania?

Pretty gaunt

What would Voldemort name his pet tortoise ?

Voldetort.

Why does voldemort have flat face?

He ran into wrong wall at train station

What if Voldemort's last horcrux was his virginity?

Then Harry Potter would have to destroy it ofcourse.

What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear?

Hor-crocs.

What's the difference between Voldemort and Tyrion Lannister?

One had a horcrux, the other had a whorecrush..

How did the witches and wizards in the Alzheimer's ward refer to Voldemort?

You-knew-who

How can you tell Voldemort used the bathroom before you?

He leaves a dark mark

Why are all the ladies attracted to Voldemort?

Because of his hex appeal.

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What happened to Voldemort's face?

Nobody nose.

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What do you say to Harry Potter when he has a mosquito bite he can't stop scratching?

Quidditching

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Walking Jk rolling

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What do you get when you cross the ocean with a Train Station?

A Whale Way

Why does voldemort have flat face?

He ran into wrong wall at train station

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What type of animals are put on envelopes?

Seals.

What will you have?

The seals says, "Anything but a Canadian Club."

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Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?

BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

What type of board will you be riding?

Jesus: looks at feet They're using boards

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Why are there so many piggy banks?

Pigs don't like to hide their money in the mattress.

Where do you hide an airport?

IN PLANE SIGHT!

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What kind of tea does an anarchist drink?

Cheap generic iced tea. Because proper tea is theft.

What kind of bird does not make babies?

A swallow

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What do you call a wizard holding a teacup?

A saucer-er!

Why did the wizard ask a pretty chick to throw a heavy box on him ?

Not just the hard on............ it would've made him more flexible

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Why did the lady with multiple personality disorder share her food with a friend?

Because Sharon is Karen.

Why are astronomers so popular with the ladies?

Chicks dig stars.