Wizard Jokes

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

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How often to wizard journalists get paid?

They make a Daily Prophet.

What do you call a make-believe country for wizards?

A magi nation

Why is Bill Cosby like the The Wizard of Oz?

Cosby Cosby Cosby Cosby cos, because of the wonderful things he drugs

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

How does Gandalf know he's pregnant?

A wizard is never late.

Why were the witch and wizard always kissing each other's necks?

Because they were neckromancers

Why couldn't the wizard get the witch pregnant?

He had a hollow-weenie

What do you call a wizard that puts people to sleep?

Dumblebore

What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?

The police made him bring it back again.

Why did the wizard ask a pretty chick to throw a heavy box on him ?

Not just the hard on............ it would've made him more flexible

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What do you call a wizard holding a teacup?

A saucer-er!

Where do witches and wizards shop?

Voldemart.

Which wizard can help you tone up your arms and upper body?

Dumbbelldor.

What do you call a wizard who loves being on busy trams?

Harry Frotteur

Why did the wizard wear a yellow robe to the Halloween party?

He was going as a banana.

Why did the wizards wife have hickeys on her neck?

Because he was a neck-romancer....

How did the witches and wizards in the Alzheimer's ward refer to Voldemort?

You-knew-who

How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?

Depends what you want it to change into...

What do you call a wizard with a good outlook on life?

An Opti-Mystic.

How does a wizard keep his potions safe from burglary?

A: With a warlock.

When I fix someone's computer and they say "Wow how'd you do that?

I tell them I'm a wizard then throw glitter in their face.

What is yellow and goes click-click?

A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older Wizard: With luck yes. Witch:

Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?

To prevent bat breath!

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What kind of work out do parrots have on leg day?

SQUAAATS! ...Polly want a cracker.

Why did the tricycle stop working?

Because it was two tired...

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Why is there a baseball bat under your bed?

Me: In case there's a burglar. 5: Me: 5: Why do burglars like to play baseball

What do you tell a diabetic girl in bed?

Hi sugar

Finger Jokes More Finger Jokes

Why did the cannibal go to KFC?

He heard it was finger licking good.

What do you call it when you finger a pony?

Feeling a little horse.

Magic Jokes More Magic Jokes

What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?

Neck-romance-y.

What does a Mexican wizard use to cast magic?

A Juand

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What do you mean pi r square?

Pies are round

Why is it better to be ashy?

cause it just means you spit more fire

Bill Cosby Jokes More Bill Cosby Jokes

What is Bill Cosby's arch-nemesis?

Smelling salts.

What kind of car does Bill Cosby drive?

A Honda quaalude. (Credit to my girlfriend)

I.T. Jokes More I.T. Jokes

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

Where is the bathroom for I.T people located?

At the I pee address.

Neck Jokes More Neck Jokes

What muscle is most responsible for lateral rotation of the neck?

The gluteus maximus

What do you get if you cross a hedgehog with a giraffe ?

A long necked toothbrush !