Elf Jokes

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

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What do you call one of Santa's helpers who bosses around the reindeer?

When he found out, Santa shouldn't have gotten mad, he only had his elf to blame. Now Santa won't forgive him until elf freezes over.

What does Santa teach his elves?

The Elfabet!

What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet.

What do you call an elf that sings?

A wrapper.

Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas?

Elf and safety

Why did the elf have to play with Mega Bloks?

Because he was Legoless

What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop?

WRAP MUSIC!

What do you call a woodland elf without any connecting plastic bricks to play with?

Legolas

What do you call an elf that follows Scientology?

Elron Hubbard

How do elves spell?

With an elfabet.

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How many elves does a german santa have?

Elf.

What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?

ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone sack time!!

What's the difference between a gnome and an elf?

Gnomenclature.

What do you call an elf who lost all his toys?

Legolas

What do you call an elf that's afraid of Jethro Tull?

A: 10:45

What do you get when you mix an elf and a scientologist?

Elrond Hubbard!

What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?

A nearby horseman answers, "Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!"

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

How many elves does it take it screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but they have to be very small.

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Sing Jokes More Sing Jokes

Why do people say amen instead of awomen at church?

Because they sing hymns, not hers.

Why was the attorney kicked out of choir?

All she could sing was, "Law, law, law, law, law, law, law."

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What's the longest game in the world?

Two women playing pool.

What did the pope say to Aretha Franklin?

I said play pope music not pop music.

Sack Jokes More Sack Jokes

Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas?

Elf and safety

What's worse than finding a sack of spider eggs in your room?

Finding a sack of hatched spider eggs in your room

Safety Jokes More Safety Jokes

Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas?

Elf and safety

What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety?

Crumbs!

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why did the lonely man work on his days off?

X-post /r/dadjokes) He loved the company.

How did the monster cure his sore throat?

He spent all day gargoyling.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What do you call a bee that lives in America?

A USB.

What TV personality lives in your phone?

SIM Card-ashian! (it might help if you say it out loud)

Scientology Jokes More Scientology Jokes

What did the priest use to forgive the sinners that shot up his church?

A holey bible. And, yet, it still made more sense than Scientology.

What do you call an elf that follows Scientology?

Elron Hubbard

Freeze Jokes More Freeze Jokes

What did Mr. Freeze call himself when he joined Batman's fight against criminals?

The Dark Knightrogen

What's it like being frozen to absolute zero?

It's 0K.