Medicine Jokes

What do you call a French dog that sells medicine?

Un phrarmachien!

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Where do Amish people go to get medicine?

To the farmacy.

What kind of medicine do you give a kid having a fit?

An anti-hissy-tamine.

Why is there no point in sending medicine to Athiopia?

Because the instructions usually say: "Take after meals."

What kind of medicine do Ants use when they have eye problems?

Ant-Eye Biotics (Dad joke, I know)

What do you call alternative medicine that works?

Medicine.

Why do pigs run from medicine?

They hate getting cured.

Why didn't the guy with ADHD take his medicine?

He forgot.

What kind of medicine do bears take?

Bayer Asprin

What did the head trauma patients do when the price of medicine went up?

A: They went on stroke.

Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine?

Boy: Because he read the label and it said 'shake well before using.'

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Why did Dracula need medicine?

Because he was coffin.

What medicine would you give an ill ant ?

Antibiotics !

What did people start calling the medical school that allowed animals to study medicine?

The hippocampus.

What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?

Coffin medicine.

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He was Cross-Fit.

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How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb?

A what?

Where do Amish people go to get medicine?

To the farmacy.

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How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

Why do drugs for small dogs have to be tested on larger ones first?

All canine drugs must be lab tested before their public release.

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Why did the toy company stop donating toys to kids in Africa?

Because it's pretty depressing to have a Tamagotchi that'll out-live you.

What do you call a Five Guys restaurant in Africa?

3 Guys

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Why did the monster take his nose apart?

To see what made it run.

What does a South Carolina cop do when a panda runs away from him?

Shoots him 8 times in the black.

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What vegetables do plumbers hate the most?

Leeks

Why does the farmer hate his job?

because he has a deep-seeded hatred for planting.

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What do you call a cheesy French man?

Parma Jean

How do I know he was French, do you ask?

He went oui, oui.

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What does an egg say when it gets punched in the stomach?

Oeuf!

What did the chick pea say when it got a stomach ache?

I falafel.