Self Jokes

How do tacos fair in a war?

They tend to be shells of their former selves

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

What types of jokes grow on you?

They ones that go viral. I'll see my self out.

How do you know Sia is Scottish?

Because she loves sheep thrills! *shows self out

How did the cavemen in the far east protect them selves?

They Rocked their doors.

Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?

Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.

How does a ghost defend its self?

Kung Boo

What'd the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing they just waved.... I'll show my self out

What's the best dating service in India?

Connect the dots. (I'll see my self out.)

Why was Mohamed Ali born a fighter?

In the womb, he used to fight bald clowns. (Self made joke)

Why did the priest dislike geometry?

It's sin-ful. self made joke

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What do you call it when an inmate takes a picture of their-self?

A Cellfie

What do you call something that you do to your self with one hand?

A Selfie!

How does a Mathematician hang them selves?

With a hypotenuse.

Whos the funniest disney princess?

raPUNzel *sits there laughing to self* ...so lonely..

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Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why doesn't Jesus like M&ampM's?

Because they fall through his hands.

What did Jesus say to Peter?

Hebrew

Type Jokes More Type Jokes

What type of lunch do you get at an air show?

A plain one.

What type of MMO's does the Taliban play?

RPG's

Cantelope Jokes More Cantelope Jokes

What do you call an antelope that wants a big wedding?

Cantelope

What do you call an ungulate with low self-esteem?

A cantelope.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?

Your head hits the ceiling!

What did captain Kirk do in the head?

He Shatner.

Pokemon Jokes More Pokemon Jokes

Why don't Pokemon cards ever have any typos?

Because the editors know that they gotta catch 'em all!

What's a feminists least favorite Pokemon?

Abra!

Catholic Jokes More Catholic Jokes

How do Catholic church priests stay healthy?

They exorcise.

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest... ... and an e-cigarette-puffing GI Joe Action Figure collector?

Well, one is a toy-loving vapist...

10 Second Jokes More 10 Second Jokes

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

What's the worst thing about running 100 meters in less than 10 seconds?

Being black.

Scottish Jokes More Scottish Jokes

What do Scottish owls sing?

Owld Lang Syne.

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".