Scottish Jokes

How do you know Sia is Scottish?

Because she loves sheep thrills! *shows self out

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Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Because their sheep can hear zippers.

Why do the Scottish wear kilts?

Sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away

Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What is the difference between being Scottish, Irish, or Welsh?

The difference is what people you hate

What's the difference between a Scottish guy and Mick Jagger?

One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!

What do the Scottish people call iPhone?

A: an AYE-Phone. (Joke brought to you by a 5 year old)

What's big, Scottish and depressing?

Scotland

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud . . ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"

What does the Scottish man say after love making?

I love ewe!

What does a Scottish cat say?

Mee yew!

What's an Apple Scottish self-aware computer called?

I, Mac.

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

What do you call a Scottish parrot ?

A Macaw !

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish sheep farmer?

One says, 'Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!' The other says 'Hey! MacLeod! Get off of my ewe.'

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster ?

Terrier-fied !

Why did Scottish baby sneeze?

It got week old.

What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear?

He kilt himself

What do you call a Scottish man with no arms and no legs?

a bell.

How can you tell what clan a Scottish man is from?

Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.

How many Scottish highlanders does it take to change a light bulb?

There can be only one.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a scottish sheep herder?

One says, "hey, you! Get off my cloud!", and the other one says, "hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

What do you call the Scottish dentist ?

Phil McCavity !

What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'

What do Scottish owls sing?

Owld Lang Syne.

What's a Scottish cannibal's favorite food?

Mac in cheese

Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill?

Because he was dead

What did the Scottish epileptic boy get for Christmas?

A Wii fit

What is the anthem for Scottish Engineers?

A: "All the Single Laddies" Edit: Read it carefully

Why Do Scottish people wear kilts?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper go down a mile away.

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Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why did the rooster cross the road?

He heard that the chickens at KFC were pretty hot.

Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?

She heard that the drinks were on the house.

Shepard Jokes More Shepard Jokes

What did the Shepard say when he saw the sheep?

I herd that!"

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

What's common between a crying baby and a gun?

You must not bring either to the movies.

How long do black women need to bring the garbage out?

About 9 month.

Scotland Jokes More Scotland Jokes

What is the difference between Will Smith and Scotland ?

Independence Day

What's Scotland's BIGGEST cause of depression?

Lonely ness.

Sia Jokes More Sia Jokes

What did one Pop star say to the other?

Sia , Later!

Why is Sia not in her music videos?

Because she doesn't want anyone to Sia

5 Year Old Jokes More 5 Year Old Jokes

What do you call a 5 year old kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor All they wanted was books but instead they got magazines

Who wins in a fight: Goku or Superman?

Wrong, Batman always wins. &nbsp; Yes, I do have the sense of humor of a 5 year old.

Offa Jokes More Offa Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa' my cloud." A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

Rolling Stone Jokes More Rolling Stone Jokes

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you get off of my cloud!" while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'