Scottish Jokes

How do you know Sia is Scottish?

Because she loves sheep thrills! *shows self out

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Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Because their sheep can hear zippers.

Why do the Scottish wear kilts?

Sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away

Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What is the difference between being Scottish, Irish, or Welsh?

The difference is what people you hate

What's the difference between a Scottish guy and Mick Jagger?

One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!

What do the Scottish people call iPhone?

A: an AYE-Phone. (Joke brought to you by a 5 year old)

What's big, Scottish and depressing?

Scotland

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud . . ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"

What does the Scottish man say after love making?

I love ewe!

What does a Scottish cat say?

Mee yew!

What's an Apple Scottish self-aware computer called?

I, Mac.

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

What do you call a Scottish parrot ?

A Macaw !

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish sheep farmer?

One says, 'Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!' The other says 'Hey! MacLeod! Get off of my ewe.'

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster ?

Terrier-fied !

Why did Scottish baby sneeze?

It got week old.

What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear?

He kilt himself

What do you call a Scottish man with no arms and no legs?

a bell.

How can you tell what clan a Scottish man is from?

Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.

How many Scottish highlanders does it take to change a light bulb?

There can be only one.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a scottish sheep herder?

One says, "hey, you! Get off my cloud!", and the other one says, "hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

What do you call the Scottish dentist ?

Phil McCavity !

What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'

What do Scottish owls sing?

Owld Lang Syne.

What's a Scottish cannibal's favorite food?

Mac in cheese

Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill?

Because he was dead

What did the Scottish epileptic boy get for Christmas?

A Wii fit

What is the anthem for Scottish Engineers?

A: "All the Single Laddies" Edit: Read it carefully

Why Do Scottish people wear kilts?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper go down a mile away.

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Mile Jokes More Mile Jokes

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

Why do the Irish wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

Cloud Jokes More Cloud Jokes

What do you call people that you hate?

Clouds, because once they are gone it's a beautiful day.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!

Kilt Jokes More Kilt Jokes

What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?

Second fella says "A kilt of course!" First fella "What's the tartin " "She's wearing white" says his pal

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

The codpiece he made out of his girlfriend's face.

Jean Jokes More Jean Jokes

What kind of jeans do ghosts wear?

Boo Jeans

How do you tell a boy chromosome from a girl chromosome?

Check their jeans.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between England and Oscar Pistorius?

England gets off scott-free.

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna and a jar of glue?

You: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna! Person getting told joke: What about the jar of glue? You: I knew you'd get stuck there

Aye Phone Jokes More Aye Phone Jokes

How do pirates agree with each other over long distances?

With their aye-phones.

What do the Scottish people call iPhone?

A: an AYE-Phone. (Joke brought to you by a 5 year old)

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Why don't tennis players ever get married?

Because love means nothing to them.

Why does everyone love when a ghost goes to a party?

Because he always brings the boos

Scotland Jokes More Scotland Jokes

What's big, Scottish and depressing?

Scotland

Why are radios cheaper in Scotland?

Because the boxes are battered and and the speakers are fried.