Tailor Jokes

Why do tailors hate statisticians?

They insist that the fit could be better.

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What did the tailor say to his customer after shortening the length of his pants?

A-hem!

Why did the German get their tailor and their barber mixed up?

They call their tailor Herr Dresser

What did Victoria say to the tailor?

I'm a Taylor too.

What did the tailor tell the thieving nun when he caught her red-handed?

You better not make a habit out of this.

What do you call a really fast seamstress?

Tailor Swift

What did the boy say after the tailor made fun of him for not wearing pants?

Hey, why don't you cut me some slacks?

What did the tailor say after a job well done?

There is nothing left too loose.

What is a good way to describe a tailor that refuses to make clothing for nuns?

Non-habit forming

What did the tailor do after she got hit by the lawyer's car?

Sewed him

What did the tailor say about her job?

It's sew sew

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Who sews really really fast?

Tailor Swift

What did the tailor say to the fed up customer?

Suit yourself.

What did the tailor say when he pricked his finger?

A: Darn!

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

Why did the Space Marine shoot the Tailor?

The heretic kept crossing the warp

Why do so many people listen to Taylor Swift songs after a breakup?

Because they were tailor made for it.

Why did the lawyer go to the tailor?

He wanted a law-suit

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What makes the scarecrow so good at his job?

He's outstanding in his field

What did the scarecrow say when asked about his job?

This job isn't for everyone, but hay...it's in my jeans"

Good Way Jokes More Good Way Jokes

What's the best way?

I said "A big knife" She laughed and said "You're funny" I said "wise choice"

What's the best way to capitalize on an opportunity?

ON AN OPPORTUNITY

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What is black, white, black, white...?

A nun falling down the stairs

What do they do when the Queen has a baby?

Fire a 21 gun salute. What do they do when a nun has a baby Fire the dirty old Canon.

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How do you find out that a cricket hears with its legs?

First, you put the cricket on a box, tap the box, and you see that the cricket jumps away. Now, you cut his legs off, put him on a box, tap the box, and you'll see that the cricket does not jump away.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it

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How do you describe people who tell "I see dead people" jokes?

They have a sixth sense of humor

How would you describe yourself in 3 words or less?

Doesn't follow instructions very well.

Mix Jokes More Mix Jokes

What do you get when you mix triangles with Tumblr?

Trigger-Nometry

What do you get when you mix a monkey and a midget?

Tom Cruise

Fit Jokes More Fit Jokes

How many talking heads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and another to spin the story until the bulb fits.

How many midgets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'd be surprised if you could fit two in there

Taylor Jokes More Taylor Jokes

What did Victoria say to the tailor?

I'm a Taylor too.

What do you think Jesus's stance would be on guns?

I think he would be most strict on nail gun control. (Credit to Taylor on PKA)