Toss Jokes

What do you get when toss a hand grenade into a French kitchen?

Linoleum blownapart.

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What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

What does Michael Jackson do when he gets kids to the top of the Empire State building?

Tosses them off.

What do you call tossing a Hawaiian's salad?

Pacific rim

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.

How do you make a cat go "woof"?

Douse it with petrol and toss a lit match. WOOF!

What's the I.T. guy's favorite pokemon game?

It's a toss up between ruby and perl.

What's the worst part of being a cook in prison?

Having to toss everyone's salad

What did one pancake say to the others as it was tossed off the griddle into the air?

See you on the flip side.

When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

Then I frown & order the soup.

How are children like slinkies?

It's fun to toss them down stairs.

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How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

What is the similarity between women and garbagebags?

You fill them up and toss them out the door!

What does Popeye use to toss his salad?

Olive Oil.

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What's the Difference between a Girl and a Woman?

Prison

What's the first thing Aaron Hernandez learned in prison?

He's not a tight end anymore )

Pray Jokes More Pray Jokes

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

What does the sterile man say when asked if he's gonna get neutered?

Vas the deferens?

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What movie aspect ratio do cats prefer?

Litterbox.

Why did the cat get arrested for playing a violin?

Because it was a kitty fiddler.

Order Jokes More Order Jokes

What was the last phone call made from the Twin Towers?

An order for two large plains.

What's the smallest drink you can order at a bar?

A mar tiny.

Potato Jokes More Potato Jokes

What's the difference between a chickpea and a potato?

You wouldn't pay to have a potato on you.

What do you call a seven course Irish meal?

A 6-pack and a potato.

Hand Grenade Jokes More Hand Grenade Jokes

What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a bathroom in France?

Linoleum Blownapart

What do you get when toss a hand grenade into a French kitchen?

Linoleum blownapart.

Light Jokes More Light Jokes

What type of lights were on Noah's Ark?

You'd think it would be floodlights, but in reality it was the Israelites!

What are red heads good for?

Lighting fires.