Human Jokes

What's the difference between a bullet and a human?

A bullet doesn't miss Harambe

This joke may have profanity.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What divides the humans from the monkeys?

The Mediterranean Sea

This joke may have profanity.

Why do humans mainly use the decimal number system?

It's just what we tend to do

Which race is the most racist?

The human one.

What did the banana say to the human?

Nothing you idiot, bananas don't talk!

What does IS call the evolutionary theory that humans are descended from the ape family?

Boko Harambe

What do you call a fight between a human and a gorilla?

A harumble.

What's the similarity of a dough and a human?

If they are thick, they have a hard time to rise

What did the cat say to the human after being hit with a baseball bat?

Nothing. Cats don't freaking talk.

What do you call a human that's now a cactus?

A transplant.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

1 in 50 million has a chance of becoming a human being.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can! Why can't humans?

Because they'll bite us!

What does Math stand for?

Mental Abuse To Humans

How much does a Human shield cost?

One life

What method did SFML perform when the Human lost to the AI?

Text.GetRect()

What is it that separates humans from animals?

The Mediterranean Sea

How many light bulbs did it take to screw a human?

None, there not too bright with doing anything except showing us where to go when were lost in the dark

What does a sperm cell have in common with a lawyer?

Both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Why are dogs always thirsty?

Because water fountains were designed for humans! HEYOOOOOOO

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

A: Lettuce pray

What are the Humans doing?

Alien 2: Celebrating the existence of their mothers. Alien 1: I ate my mother. Alien 2: As did I.

Why can't Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?

A: Because drawing a perfect circle is impossible for any human.

Why did Prince Eric leave Ariel when she became a human?

He was just chasing tail.

What do politicians and sperm have in common?

About 1 in every 600 million has a chance of becoming a human.

What do men and sperm have in common?

A:They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

How do industrial robots communicate with humans?

They use a conveyor belt.

What do a sperm and a lawyer have in common?

A 1 in 3,000,000 chance of becoming a human being.

What do cars and humans have in common?

We both burn gas.

What do monkeys and humans have in common?

Catholic: Nothing............ nothing at all.

What is the difference between a human and a potato?

Time

What do giraffes and humans share the same number of?

Testicles.

Why are dolphins cleverer than humans ?

Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish !

What do you call a dog that can walk on its hind legs all the time?

A human.

Why can't humans hear a dog whistle?

Because dogs can't whistle. (X-post from r/dadjokes)

Where are the humans?

We left them" AL: Why "They didn't look anything like their selfies in rl"

What do you get when you cross.... .... the DNA of a human with the DNA of a goat?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

Which animal makes the best pie?

A human.

Why are fish cleverer than humans?

Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?

What separates animals from humans?

The Mediterranean.

What's the difference between a sperm and a racist?

A sperm as a 1 in a million chance of actually becoming a human being.

What helps humans get laid but is deadly for fish?

Pick up lines

What game do monsters play with humans?

Squash.

You might also enjoy:

Fortune Jokes More Fortune Jokes

Which burgers can tell your fortune?

Medium burgers!

How many tunes should the bard play?

Fortunes.

Humanity Jokes More Humanity Jokes

Why can't you be successful like your brother?

Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes

What do you call the border between humanity and animals?

The Mediterranean Sea

Garbage Collector Jokes More Garbage Collector Jokes

Why do programmers produce more garbage than others ?

Because they (some of them) don't have a garbage collector.

What do little pigs want to be when they grow up?

Garbage collectors.

Human Race Jokes More Human Race Jokes

What's the most oldest joke in the world?

The human race.

Why did the dyslexic escapologist join the International Socialists?

A. because he wanted to help untie the human race.

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What fish goes up the river at 100mph ?

A motor pike !

Where did the fish go when it needed an operation?

To the sturgeon

Choose Jokes More Choose Jokes

What's the difference between "a choice" and " to choose?

A choice" is a decision you make. "To choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.

Who would you turn to face?

be careful with whom you chose

Bullet Jokes More Bullet Jokes

What was the last thing that went through the hostages head?

A bullet.

Why didn't the bullet have a job?

It got fired.

Tend Jokes More Tend Jokes

How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

A: Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.

What has blonde hair, blue eyes and tends to ailed animals?

A VeterinArian.