Choose Jokes

Why did the aliens choose to not invade and enslave the human race?

Because they're not garbage collectors.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did the customer choose T-Mobile?

Because he wanted the worst cellphone service in the world.

Why did Fetty Wap chose that as his stage name?

Because he wanted to make $50K per day from ad revenue.

Why does the prosecutor only choose jurors who drive Hummers?

So that there's no chance of a hung jury

What do choosy moms choose?

abortion.

This joke may have profanity.

Why should've Christians chosen farts over bread?

It's more fun to break wind

How do you choose a stupid policeman from a group of policemen?

At random.

Why does California have more lawyers and New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey got to choose first

What is Putin to Ukraina, a friend or a brother ?

A brother, because you can choose your friends.

What is the difference between pick and choose?

To pick is to make a selection... And choose are what Cubans wear on their feet.

Why did Clemson choose orange as its team color?

So they could play football on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up garbage the rest of the week.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What are the rules about Canadians?

Does everybody get one Do I get to choose Where do I sign up

How did Jared Fogle lose so much weight?

because he chose from the kids menu

Which do you choose?

WRONG. Neither. Don't ever take my candy.

Why did the peace-loving incandescent bulb reject the candle and choose the fluorescent lamp as role model?

The fluorescent lamp wouldn't hurt a fly.

What's the difference between "a choice" and " to choose?

A choice" is a decision you make. "To choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.

What game do they choose?

They chose "Sorry!".

What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe?

I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard.

Why couldn't the dolphin choose a career?

She had no sense of porpoise.

Who would you turn to face?

be careful with whom you chose

What did you choose?

Guy: I don't remember.

What is my girlfriend's favorite meal?

A dish called: "I don't know, you choose."

What's do Christians and politicians have in common?

They pick and choose what they want to believe.

What's the difference between "choice" and "choose?

Choice" is your ability to make decisions, "choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.

How much for 2 children?

She replied, "$9.50." "Awesome!" I said. "Do I get to choose or is it a lucky dip "

What did the dumb blonde say when told that "Scheherezade" was composed by Rimsky-Korsakov ?

A: "Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names !! "

What could you bring to this company?

Me: Well I guess I could bring my stereo, but I get to choose what we listen to.

How many Anti-Vaxxers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

As a mother, I choose not to screw it in. Light bulbs are dangerous weapons created by the Soviet Union, and I will not screw it in; it could severely hurt my child. As everyone knows, light bulbs are the principle source of autism in this world, and I have to take a stand on it.

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New Jersey Jokes More New Jersey Jokes

Why did Kobe Bryant go to New Jersey after he got arrested?

Because he needed one.

What's the difference between garbage and a girl from New Jersey?

Garbage gets picked up!

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What does a math mermaid wear?

An algeabra....

What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches?

On one hand, you have a watch... But on the other hand, you have a watch.

Saturday Jokes More Saturday Jokes

What are the strongest days?

Saturday and Sundays. The others are weakdays

What did Cholera say to Malaria?

Are you gonna Jaundice on Saturday

Lawyer Jokes More Lawyer Jokes

What do lawyers use for birth control?

Personality.

Why hasn't any lawyer ever been bitten by a shark?

Professional courtesy.

Canadian Jokes More Canadian Jokes

How do you get a Canadian to quit smoking cigarets?

You ask him politely.

What's a Canadian's favorite footwear?

Aboot

Prosecutor Jokes More Prosecutor Jokes

Why does the prosecutor only choose jurors who drive Hummers?

So that there's no chance of a hung jury

What did the doctor say to the prosecutor?

You're trying my patients!

California Jokes More California Jokes

What rhymes with California?

Every Red Hot Chili Peppers song writing session ever

What do the woman from southern California and the clouds over the Pacific coast have in commen?

They're both Marine layers

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Who are we?

Women!" "What do we want " "We don't know!" "When do we want it " "Now!"

Which whiskey should you buy if you want to dance all night?

Wild Twerky!