French Jokes

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with a famous French general?

Napoleon Bunnyparte!

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How do you distinguish a French tank from a British tank?

The rear-view mirrors

What do you call a french racist?

A beget!

What do you call a French pole vaulter?

A Leap Frog

How do you stop a French tank?

A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!

Why are there windows on the back of French tanks?

So they can watch the battle

When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?

I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"

How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn't French?

It doesn't have both arms raised. And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States

What do you call a french organized crime detective?

J'accuza

What did Shawn like most about his trip to Paris?

He said it was lovely to hear the French pheasants singing the Mayonnaise."

How do French poodles greet each other?

A: Bone-jour.

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Why is the Statue of Liberty hollow?

Because she's really French, and the French have no GUTS!

What do you call a french man who's been attacked by a bear?

Claude

What is the French verb that means "To declare war"?

Surrendre*

What's the difference between In-n-Out Burger french fries and League of Legends?

I can control my salt intake at In-n-out.

How do I know he was French, do you ask?

He went oui, oui.

Why wasn't Euro Disney popular?

Every time they set off the fireworks, the French surrendered.

When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?

When I do her hair: "How about a hat "

Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?

A. So the French can show them how to surrender.

What do French stoners smoke?

Oui-d

Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?

Because they hate French press!

What did one dehydrated French guy say to the other?

What do we do now, Pierre

Who loves hamburgers French fries and ants?

Ronald MacAardvark!

Why did the French have so many civil wars?

So they could win one.

What's the sound that a French tank does just before the enemy frontline attacks?

Beep Beep Beep...

Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

Why was Les miserable?

He was French.

Why did the French fry call the police?

Because it was a(salt)ted.

Why do the french hate League of Legends?

They have to wait 20 minutes before surrendering

did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?

they were cooked in Greece

How does a French skeleton say hello?

Bone-jour.

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Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What do you call a burning white guy?

A firecracker

What do call a white guy in a burning building?

Fire cracker

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

Why is a toothbrush a "tooth" brush?

Cause it was invented in Alabama! Inspiration came from the comments(http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSKBN0GP1NS20140825 irpc=932)

What did the hacker do when the police came for him?

He ransomware.

Speak Jokes More Speak Jokes

Why does Gru speak with an accent?

Because he's Arminion.

Why do boys walk fast and girls speak more?

Because boys have one extra leg and girls have one extra mouth.

Click Jokes More Click Jokes

What does a redditor say when they see a YouTube link they can't click on?

Give me the gif of it.

Why do you want to be a psychiatrist?

pictures clients acting like chickens after I click my fingers* I want to help people

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What is the best Vitamin for friendship?

B1. Because no one wants to be friends with a guy in a metabolic coma due to a thiamine deficiency.

How do you know if a guy was in the Navy SEALs?

Don't worry, he'll tell you.

Motto Jokes More Motto Jokes

What's the motto of the Polish Solidarity Union?

A: Every man for himself.

What brand should suicidal people clearly avoid?

Nike. Their motto says just "Just do it".

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What do you call a Mexican working at Tim Hortons?

a Filipino

What's the difference between a camera and a foot?

A camera has photos and a foot has five toes. (Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with)

Link Jokes More Link Jokes

Why aren't you mowing the lawn?

Link: It's raining Z: No it's not L: *Plays Song of Storms* Z: You're sleeping with Epona tonight

How did Link win the basketball game for his team?

He used the Hookshot!