French Jokes

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with a famous French general?

Napoleon Bunnyparte!

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How do you distinguish a French tank from a British tank?

The rear-view mirrors

What do you call a french racist?

A beget!

What do you call a French pole vaulter?

A Leap Frog

How do you stop a French tank?

A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!

Why are there windows on the back of French tanks?

So they can watch the battle

When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?

I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"

How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn't French?

It doesn't have both arms raised. And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States

What do you call a french organized crime detective?

J'accuza

What did Shawn like most about his trip to Paris?

He said it was lovely to hear the French pheasants singing the Mayonnaise."

How do French poodles greet each other?

A: Bone-jour.

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Why is the Statue of Liberty hollow?

Because she's really French, and the French have no GUTS!

What do you call a french man who's been attacked by a bear?

Claude

What is the French verb that means "To declare war"?

Surrendre*

What's the difference between In-n-Out Burger french fries and League of Legends?

I can control my salt intake at In-n-out.

How do I know he was French, do you ask?

He went oui, oui.

Why wasn't Euro Disney popular?

Every time they set off the fireworks, the French surrendered.

When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?

When I do her hair: "How about a hat "

Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?

A. So the French can show them how to surrender.

What do French stoners smoke?

Oui-d

Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?

Because they hate French press!

What did one dehydrated French guy say to the other?

What do we do now, Pierre

Who loves hamburgers French fries and ants?

Ronald MacAardvark!

Why did the French have so many civil wars?

So they could win one.

What's the sound that a French tank does just before the enemy frontline attacks?

Beep Beep Beep...

Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

Why was Les miserable?

He was French.

Why did the French fry call the police?

Because it was a(salt)ted.

Why do the french hate League of Legends?

They have to wait 20 minutes before surrendering

did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?

they were cooked in Greece

How does a French skeleton say hello?

Bone-jour.

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Flabio.

What are an Italian bench warmer's favorite vegetables?

Asparagi!

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Who's there? Orange. Orange who?

Orange you glad I painfully waited until I was done cooking your food to take a poop?

How do you cook vegatables in the microwave ?

Take them out their wheelchair.

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make?

Guac!

What does it sound like to shoot yourself in the foot twice?

Pao! Pao!

Link Jokes More Link Jokes

How did Link win the basketball game for his team?

He used the Hookshot!

Why aren't you mowing the lawn?

Link: It's raining Z: No it's not L: *Plays Song of Storms* Z: You're sleeping with Epona tonight

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How did Genghis Khan conquer Mongolia?

One steppe at a time.

How many grains of sand are there in the world?

As many as 27. I'm referring to the number of times good ol' 27 was reposted.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft?

At parking meteors.

Why are black people afraid of high fives?

They don't want to be left hanging

Click Jokes More Click Jokes

What do you get when you click to see the punchline?

DEEZ NUTS

Which elf likes to click pictures?

sELFie

Pronounce Jokes More Pronounce Jokes

Why don't British people pronounce their T's?

Because they're all in the Boston harbor."

Why don't black people like pirates?

they pronounce everything with a hard "aargh"