Herd Jokes

What did Nala tell Simba after seeing a herd of women on Black Friday?

You gotta Mufasa"

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How do you count a herd of cattle?

How do you count a herd of cattle? Q: How do you count a herd of cattle? A: With a cowculator.

What did the sheep say to the sheepdog faking deafness?

You herd me!"

What do you call a big cat disguised to blend in with a herd of sheep?

A sheopard.

What did the Shepard say when he saw the sheep?

I herd that!"

What's the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo?

The attorney charges more.

What did tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants in the distance?

Look, a herd of elephants in the distance!"

Why can't you keep a secret from cattle?

They herd

What did the farmer say when the townspeople told him all of his cows were in town..?

I herd.

Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?

She thought children should be seen and not herded!

Who lost a herd of elephants ?

Big bo peep !

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How do cows get their gossip?

They herd it through the bovine.

What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office?

An encownter group.

What have you been doing" asked Jane. "Chasing a herd of elephants on vines" "Really ?

said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the ground !"

What has 200 legs 50 noses and is very loud?

A herd of stampeding aardvarks!

What did the shepherd's wife say to the shepherd?

You herd.

What did Jesus say to the flock of sheep?

I herd that.

Why aren't cowboy jokes funny?

Ya herd one, ya herd em all.

What happened to the lost cattle?

Nobody's herd.

What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?

The first herd shot round the world!

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Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What does Gollum think about Gandalf's smoking addiction?

Stupid, filthy habitses!

What be a pirate's favorite restaurant?

You'd think it was Arby's, but it's actually Long John Silver's.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

How do you stop bad singing?

A pitchfork

Why did the car judder to a stop when it saw a ghost?

It had a nervous breakdown.

Gossip Jokes More Gossip Jokes

Why is a reindeer like a gossip ?

Because they are both tail bearers !

How do cows get their gossip?

They herd it through the bovine.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why Weren't There Many Jokes in the Dark Ages?

No one could perform the execution well enough.

Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election?

Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What do you want for your birthday?

Me: You could get me a "world's best dad" mug. 4: You told me not to lie.

How do you tell an astronaut where they're going?

Straight up.

Town Jokes More Town Jokes

What do you call a group of people in charge of renewable energy for a town?

A solar panel.

Where'd you get that black eye?

Me: My girlfriend gave it to me. Him: I thought your girlfriend was out of town. Me: I did too...

Sheepdog Jokes More Sheepdog Jokes

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A collie-flower !

How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon ?

Melon-collie !

Cattle Jokes More Cattle Jokes

Why can't you keep a secret from cattle?

They herd

Why did the cattle leave the marijuana field?

Because the steaks were too high!