Herd Jokes

What did Nala tell Simba after seeing a herd of women on Black Friday?

You gotta Mufasa"

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How do you count a herd of cattle?

How do you count a herd of cattle? Q: How do you count a herd of cattle? A: With a cowculator.

What did the sheep say to the sheepdog faking deafness?

You herd me!"

What do you call a big cat disguised to blend in with a herd of sheep?

A sheopard.

What did the Shepard say when he saw the sheep?

I herd that!"

What's the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo?

The attorney charges more.

What did tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants in the distance?

Look, a herd of elephants in the distance!"

Why can't you keep a secret from cattle?

They herd

What did the farmer say when the townspeople told him all of his cows were in town..?

I herd.

Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?

She thought children should be seen and not herded!

Who lost a herd of elephants ?

Big bo peep !

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How do cows get their gossip?

They herd it through the bovine.

What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office?

An encownter group.

What have you been doing" asked Jane. "Chasing a herd of elephants on vines" "Really ?

said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the ground !"

What has 200 legs 50 noses and is very loud?

A herd of stampeding aardvarks!

What did the shepherd's wife say to the shepherd?

You herd.

What did Jesus say to the flock of sheep?

I herd that.

Why aren't cowboy jokes funny?

Ya herd one, ya herd em all.

What happened to the lost cattle?

Nobody's herd.

What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?

The first herd shot round the world!

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Em Jokes More Em Jokes

What's the same about a smart blonde and a UFO?

You keep hearing about em but you never see em

What's the difference between a plastic tube and an adjustable spanner ?

Both of em are in plastic, except for the adjustable spanner

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you guys think of message boards?

I'm all forum.

What did you do at school today?

Mark: We played a guessing game. Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam Mark: That's right.

Farmer Jokes More Farmer Jokes

Why did the farmer fence in the bull?

The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!

What do you call a farmer in the army?

E.I. G.I Joe.

Calf Jokes More Calf Jokes

Why was the calf afraid?

He was a cow-herd!

Why are blondes such bad cow herders?

Because they can't keep their calves together

Ape Jokes More Ape Jokes

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

What do you get when you cross a Texas Aggie with an ape?

A retarded ape.

Ya Jokes More Ya Jokes

What'll ya have?

Cat: Shot of rum. Bartender pours it Cat slowly pushes it off the bar Cat: Another.

What does your tattoo say?

Me: It doesn't talk. Cashier: Ya, but what does it say Me: IT DOESN'T TALK. Cashier: Ok, Ma'am.

Black Friday Jokes More Black Friday Jokes

Where can you find the best Black Friday deals with items at 100% off?

Ferguson!

How is the Battle for Hogwarts like a Black Friday sale?

Weasley twins are 50% off

Thunder Jokes More Thunder Jokes

What did the thunder say when it understood the joke?

I feel so enlightninged!

Why do they call them thunder storms and not lightning storms?

Thunder storms just *sound* better