Holiday Jokes

Why isn't the holiday on December 25th pronounced "Chlistmas"?

Because there's no L.

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Where do weeaboos holiday?

Kawaii

Where do strippers go on holiday ?

Poland

Where do idiots go on holiday?

Twitzerland.

What are your favorite jokes for the Holidays?

For those of us that struggle with our family perhaps this will help break the ice.

What do heavily-armored army vehicles celebrate for the holidays?

tanksgiving

Why can't rappers take holidays?

They always forget Tupac.

What is a rednecks favorite pie during the holidays?

Pump-Kin

What is the most said band name during the holidays?

What do Native Americans do for the holidays?

Nativities.

Why couldn't the whistle blower make it home for the holidays?

he was snowden

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Where did the salami go on holiday?

Costa Deli-Sol

What do you call it when a cow goes on holiday?

A vaccation

Why did the man with acute bronchitis go on holiday?

Because he had a wee cough

Whos the coolest guy in hospital?

The ultra-sound guy. Who takes over when hes on holiday? The hip-replacement guy

Where do ants go for their holidays ?

Frants !

What's a moo hoo for a cow barn on a holiday?

A merry dairy!

What does a racist decorate in their home for the holidays?

Their bigotry.

Where do bees go on holiday ?

Stingapore !

Where do Koalas love to go for a holiday?

Koala Lumpur.

What did George Washington Abraham Lincoln and Christopher Columbus all have in common?

They were all born on holidays."

Where do ghosts go for their holidays?

The Dead Sea.

How fast can Klingon's run?

About Warf speed. My mom made this joke up last night at a bbq party. She likes to think she is funnier on holidays. Thanks, Mom.

What does a llama do when it goes on holidays?

Alpaca ya bags.

Why dont blacks celibrate thanksgiving?

KFC isnt open on holidays.

Where were you on Friday?

Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...

What's a barber's favourite kind of holiday?

Cruising on a clipper.

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Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

Why is Santa always jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

What's the difference between Santa and a pimp ?

Santa has just 3 Ho's...

Poland Jokes More Poland Jokes

Why can't they use PC's as word-processors in Poland?

The screens keep on filling up with white-out.

How do you know you're flying over Poland?

A: Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.

Pronounce Jokes More Pronounce Jokes

Why's the ch pronounced differently in orchid than in orchard?

ROBOT: twitch, spark

Why don't black people like pirates?

they pronounce everything with a hard "aargh"

Friday Jokes More Friday Jokes

What day do fries hate the most?

Friday

Where were you on Friday?

Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

What would you do if you broke your arm in two places?

Vanderkron: I wouldn't go to these places no more!

What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice?

Her: What You: It breaks the ice. Hi, i'm (your name)

Rabbit Jokes More Rabbit Jokes

Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?

Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!

Why did the rabbit run out of the fast-food restaurant?

He thought he heard someone order a quarter pounder on a toasted bunny.

Greet Jokes More Greet Jokes

What would you like to Instagram?

how waiters should greet people

How do epileptics greet people?

They shake.

December 25th Jokes More December 25th Jokes

What does a gang say on December 25th?

Merry Crips-mas

Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th?

Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.