Halloween Jokes

My favorite is: "There's a maniac living in our neighborhood. He goes house-to-house leaving severed body parts on the doorstep. He gives me the willies."

Why was the ghost late to the halloween party?

He had to take a sheet.

What's Adam Levine's favorite holiday?

Halloween Halloween Halloween!

Why does Barbie like Halloween?

It's pump-ken time

Where is the best place to vacation for Halloween?

Galapaghost Islands.

Why can't witches get pregnant?

Because all their husbands have Halloween-ies!

Why is Halloween a crackheads' favourite holiday?

Only two more sleeps til' Christmas!

What's a hillbillies favorite holiday? Halloween.... Do you want to know why?

Because they like to pump kin.

Why doesn't India celebrate halloween?

No Gandhi

How is Halloween celebrated in Kentucky?

pumpkin

Why do so many math majors confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 is Dec 25

Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?

Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.

Why did the computer programmer put up his Christmas lights on Halloween?

He always gets DEC 25 and OCT 31 confused.

Why do redneck men enjoy Halloween so much?

They love to pump kin.

Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

Better grip. Happy Halloween :)

What do Hutterites do on Halloween?

Pump-kin

Why do meth heads love Halloween?

Three sleeps 'till Christmas!

Why is Halloween one of the most popular holidays in West Virginia?

It gives them an opportunity to .

What do birds give out on Halloween?

A: Tweets.

What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?

An amoeboo!

Why aren't burgers the least bit scared of Halloween?

They're used to people 'goblin' them!

What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on halloween?

Happy halloweenie

What does a redneck do on Halloween?

Pumpkin

What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy?

Lots a candy.

What do stupid kids do at Halloween?

They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.

Why didn't the skeleton go for the halloween party ?

He had "No body " to go with.

What do birds say on Halloween?

Trick-or-tweet!"

Why did the young ghost leave the party?

Everyone started drinking boo's. Happy Halloween!

Why do pigs love Halloween?

There's lots of hogsgobblin.

Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties?

Because there is lots of school spirit!

Why is Halloween considered the scariest time of the year?

Most weddings happen in June.

What do cows say on Halloween?

Still moo.

What are you going to be for Halloween dad?

me: Drunk 9: What's mom gonna be me: Mad

What is a black mans favorite Halloween costume?

Robbin Hood

What do ghosts drink for Halloween?

BOOOOZE!

What are you gonna be for halloween?

Me: Drunk!

What is Beethoven doing in his grave?

He's de-composing ! Happy Halloween everyone.

What's Osama Bin Laden going to be for Halloween?

A: Dead.

Why did the wizard wear a yellow robe to the Halloween party?

He was going as a banana.

How do red necks celebrate Halloween?

Pump kin

How do you get the most apples at Halloween?

Take a snorkel.

Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?

Because so many witches are sweeping the sky.

Why is Halloween a hillbilly's favorite holiday?

Because they like to pumpkin. I'll see myself out...

Why was the boy unhappy to win the prize for the best costume at the Halloween party?

Because he just came to pick up his little sister.

What did the really ugly man do for a living ?

He posed for Halloween masks !

What does a guy with no friends be for Halloween?

Depressed

What drink do you have on Halloween?

Mali-BOO

What do you call a redhead NSFW ...in an interracial gangbang?

Red Riding Hood Happy Halloween.

This joke may have profanity.

What did Schwarzenegger say when deciding which composer to be for Halloween?

I'll be Bach.

What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Independence Day?

The Fourth of Ghoul-ly!

How do zombies celebrate Halloween?

They paint the town dead!

What was the Islamic Star Wars fan for Halloween?

Hijabba the Hut

What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Christmas?

A ghoul Yule!

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to dress up as famous composers for Halloween?

I'll be Bach

Why did the Tumblr user get cut up on Halloween?

She identified as pump-kin.

What do you call a place monks go for Halloween?

A monascary

What did the ghost serve at his Halloween party?

Hallowieners!

Who did the philosophy major ask out for the Halloween dance?

Nobody. He was too 'Freud.

What's a meth head's favourite thing about Halloween?

Only two more sleeps till Christmas!

Where were you on Friday?

Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...

Who turns the lights off at halloween ?

The light's witch !

Why didn't the skeleton ask out the Zombie to go to the Halloween party?

He didn't have the guts

Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween ?

It was for 'tick or tweet' !

Why do programmers think Halloween's the same as Christmas?

Because 31OCT == 25DEC (thank you very much)

What do fishermen say on Halloween?

Trick-or-trout!"

What kind of make up was the girl wearing on Halloween?

Mash-scara!

What happened to the girl who wore a mouse costume to her Halloween party?

The cat ate her.

What do Mountain folk do on Halloween?

Pumpkin.

Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for halloween?

Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

Why is SAE not that racist?

Because some of their best friends are black... for halloween!

What can I do about it?

Hire yourself out for Halloween parties.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25

What do birds give out on Halloween?

Tweets.

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Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?

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What do 1% of racist people do?

They are making clubs like the KKK The other 99% are hidden here making bad jokes

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Because it's the one day that they have an excuse to hang coloured balls from trees.

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How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

What do you call a cross dressed robot?

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What do fruit punch and a punch to the face have in common?

Both can knock you out at a party.

Why do people knock on a locked public restroom door?

And what is the person inside to say "who is it "

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What do priests and zits have in common?

They bost bust on 12 year Olds faces

What's the difference between garbanzo beans an chickpeas?

I don't have to play $50 for a garbanzo bean in my face.

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What do you call a computer programmer that likes to kidnap children?

A PDFile.

Why did the computer programmer put up his Christmas lights on Halloween?

He always gets DEC 25 and OCT 31 confused.

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How much longer?

Did you bring any snacks They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet - me watching my kids Christmas pageant

Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ?

Your teeth !

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Because Oct31 = Dec25

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Because Oct31 = Dec25