Lemon Jokes

Where do lemons go to jail?

Lemonworth

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What do you call a lemon staring at an elderly lady?

Citric Flaccid

What do you call a Jamaican redditor?

Lemon

What do quantum physicists do when life gives them lemons?

Everything

What does a walrus and Tupperware have in common?

What does a walrus and Tupperware have in common? .. They both like a tight seal *What looks like a lemon and shaped like a rock? .. A lemon shaped rock *What is brown and sticky? ..A brown stick

Why did the lemon go sour?

Because it had Lemon-Aids

What did a lemon with a lisp say to the juicer?

Thtop taking the pith out of me!

How are synagogues like lemons?

They're full of acidic juice.

How do you help a lemon?

Lemon-aid.

What do you get when you cross a Triceratops and a lemon?

A. A Dino-sour 2.Q. Were do robots go to worship A. Mech-a

Why do emo's always act so sour?

Because you can't spell Lemon without emo.

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What do you call it when a lemon jerks off her own brother until he chafes?

Inzest

How did Sherlock reply to Watson's inquiry, "Sherlock, where did you get all of these lemons?

A lemon tree, my dear Watson."

Where did you get so many lemons?

Holmes replies, "A lemon tree, Watson.."

Whoa that's a lemon, how much did you pay?

Only $3,200" Dude it's literally a piece of fruit "Damn....not again"

Why does the lemon feel uncomfortable making friends outside of tumblr?

Because it has cis-trust issues

Why did the lemon turn green?

Because he had lime disease

What's your favorite preservative salt, vinegar, lemon?

Mine's embalming fluid.

What did the dyslexic man do when life gave him lemons?

He made melon-ade

Why are crocodiles brown and flat?

A: Because if they were yellow and round, they'd be lemons.

What do you give to a lemon in need?

Lemonaid.

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Juicer Jokes More Juicer Jokes

What did a lemon with a lisp say to the juicer?

Thtop taking the pith out of me!

What fruit did Hillary grind up in her juicer?

13 blackberries and 5 apples

Lisp Jokes More Lisp Jokes

What do you call a dirty drug addict with a lisp?

Methy

What's long green and goes hith ?

A snake with a lisp !

Help Jokes More Help Jokes

Why do blondes always die before help arrives?

A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

Why did it take three burly Boy Scouts to help the old lady across the street?

A: Because she didn't want to go.

A. Jokes More A. Jokes

Why were India kicked out of the Soccer world Cup held in England in 1966 ?

A. Every time they were given a corner, they built a shop."

How do you get a baby into a shoebox?

A. With a blender. Q. How do you get a baby out of a shoebox? A. With a straw.

Elderly Lady Jokes More Elderly Lady Jokes

How do you get an elderly lady to say f***?

Get another one to say bingo

What do you call a lemon staring at an elderly lady?

Citric Flaccid

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

Why are there no Wal Marts in Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan?

Because there are already too many targets. (credit: some old veteran bum looking guy sleeping on a bench at the police station I went to today.)

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A tyrano-snore-us rex.

Lemonaid Jokes More Lemonaid Jokes

What do you give to a lemon in need?

Lemonaid.

What happened when the orange slept with the dirty lemon?

He got lemonaids.

Quantum Physicist Jokes More Quantum Physicist Jokes

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so."

What do quantum physicists do when life gives them lemons?

Everything