Chop Jokes

What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?

You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What is the difference between a baby and a onion?

No one cries when you chop up the baby.

What's worse than dropping a scope of ice cream?

Dropping 2 scoops of ice cream. What's worse than dropping 2 scoops of ice cream? Getting a hand chopped off. What's worse than getting a hand chopped off? Getting both hands chopped off. What's worse than getting both hands chopped off? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Dropping 3 scoops of ice cream.

Whore?

I don't cry when I chop up a Whore.

This joke may have profanity.

How long have you been chopping wood for?

I'm not sure, I'll check the logs"

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?

Oh no not snake and pygmy pie again!

What did storm say when she saw wolverine chopping wood?

That's a huge axe man!

Why did the alcoholic chop off the little boy's legs?

He wanted his *Kidneys*.

What was Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite snack?

Chopped dates.

Why did the butcher die ?

Because he chopped off the wrong sausage.

What do french fries and friends have in common?

They both die if you chop them

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?

A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

Why did Henry VIII have so many wives ?

He liked to chop and change !

What did Napoleon say about the chopped up body?

I wanna Bone a part

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup?

Everybody can chop pork but nobody can pea soup.

What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?

I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.

What did the chopped wood say to the tree?

Run!

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What did the manager of a log cutting company tell his employees when they were working too slow?

Chop chop.

Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?

So that they can pack the defence!

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Which global disasters happen when you drop a roast turkey?

The downfall of Turkey, the break-up of China, and the overthrow of Greece.

What's the hottest thing in China right now?

A Tibetan monk on fire.

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Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

What's the difference between a Pizza and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up Pizza.

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Why don't u share a bed?

cried Baby Bear.

How do you make an orange turn red?

Get John Boehner to cry.

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What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?

Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered." Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."

Why do pro gamers get up at 1:37pm?

Because it's 13:37! I came up with this last night and have been waiting to post it until 1:37pm my time.

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What do you call a guitar that has completely changed parts?

Trans-Fender.

Why don't auto repair shops fix golf carts?

Because they work with parts for cars, not carts for pars.

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What happened to the tree when the lumber jack hit on it?

It got all sappy

What do Lumber jacks do in China?

Chop sticks!

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.

What's a hippies favourite food?

Peas, man.