Guitar Jokes

Why won't Jonas Bjerre, Johan Wohlert nor Silas Utke Graae Jrgensen use guitars?

Because guitars make music.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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How does a lawyer from Panama play his guitar?

He shreds.

How do you stop Carlos Santana from molesting your children?

You put a guitar in his hands.

Why is there so much "twang" in Country music?

It is the sound a guitar makes after six or seven generations of inbreeding.

What do you call a guitar that has completely changed parts?

Trans-Fender.

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.

What's the difference between my guitar and my girlfriend?

My guitar doesn't yell at me when I snap it's g-string

What did the guitars do when they were unhappy with their government?

Formed a coustic d'tat

What do a guitar and a drum have in common?

Neither of them are a clarinet!

Why do guitar amps hum?

Because they don't know the words.

What's the difference between a guitar and an elevator?

I didn't expose myself inside a guitar this morning.

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What does former Vice President Gore play on the guitar?

An algorithm

What do you call a cow that plays the guitar?

A Moosician!

What did Al Gore play on his guitar?

An algorithm.

What's the fastest way to make money as a guitarist?

By selling your guitar.

Why did the guitarist leave his guitar on the ground?

It didn't have any pickups

What if you get mugged?

So just to be safe, I took his guitar.

Who.. Plays The Guitar.. Boy: How Do i play the guitar ?

Girls: You Should be on TV for your talent. Boy: Am i so good ..... Boy : if you were on TV, i can atleast switch it off...

How does a dog play Hendrix on guitar?

With a chihuahua pedal.

Why did Silly Sue throw her guitar away ?

Because it had a hole in the middle.

What kind of guitar did the pool player own?

A: A-cue-stick.

What did the guitar and banjo name their daughter?

Amanda Lynn

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna"fish!

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Tuna Jokes More Tuna Jokes

What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?

You can't tuna fish!!!

Which is the saltiest fish?

Tuna

Christian Jokes More Christian Jokes

What do you call an Atheist at a Christian fancy dress party?

A cross-dresser.

What do you call a Christian who visits shrines?

A roamin' Catholic.

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

Why are highly successful people named Mark always so depressed?

Because they can't stop hitting themselves. This joke came to me while I was half asleep this morning. I'm not sure how original it is. I probably heard some variation of it somewhere and have just forgotten. Any suggestions for improving it?

What do cannibals like to drink in the morning?

A cup of Joe.

Pot Jokes More Pot Jokes

What do you call a potato that had too much pot?

A baked potato

How many men does it take to make popcorn?

Four one to hold the pot and three to act macho and shake the stove.

Shut Jokes More Shut Jokes

What's the Difference between a Wife and an Attic Door?

An attic door can shut up. im going to hell

What did Gandalf say when he tried to shut down Auschwitz?

You shall not gas!"

Molest Jokes More Molest Jokes

What do you call a bird that has been molested?

Rustled Crow

How do you stop Carlos Santana from molesting your children?

You put a guitar in his hands.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

How does the blind man know when to stop wiping his arse?

I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.

What does a Russian woman say to stop her husband from abusing her?

Vladislov, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more... I'm sorry..

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

How many girlfriend does a white boy need to shoot a school?

None.

What do you say to a girlfriend who calls you a lazy couch potato?

Well let me tell you...