Stab Jokes

What do my brother and Julius Caesar have in common?

They both hate been stabbed

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What do you say to Jennifer Anniston after she has been stabbed?

So noone told you knife was gonna be this way?

What do you call it when you stab a vampire in the lungs?

A miss stake

Why did the cannibal stab the chef with a toothpick?

To see if he was done cooking.

What celebrity is most likely to stab you?

James Blunt

Why do Lannisters hate turtles?

Cause they can't stab them in the back

What did the debater say after getting stabbed during an argument?

Good point

Why does it take 10 women with premenstrual tension to change a light bulb?

IT JUST DOES, OK JERK !!!! NOW SHUT UP OR I WILL STAB YOU WITH THE SCISSORS!

Why did Beethoven hate Mozart?

Because Mozart stabbed him in the Bach.

How was the beach?

You hang ten or what " No but I stabbed a couple because they kept asking stupid questions about my vacation

Why does the media always call a stabbing incident a "violent" stabbing incident?

Is it possible to stab someone non-violently

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How did you get malaria from a stab?

Malaryan Steel."

Where were u on the night of the 3rd?

Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape " Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.

How are you doing?

and you respond 'I'm doing ok. Getting better each day' & they stab you for answering

What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife?

An erection and a place to put it.

What do you call a black guy who was stabbed by a Mexican?

An ambulance.

Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?

FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!

Where were u on the nite of the 5th?

Stabbing a guy. "Louder for the tape." leans in Grabbing a pie. I went out for pie.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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37 Jokes More 37 Jokes

What do you tell a woman that has 37 stab wounds?

Nothing, you already told her 37 times.

What do you get if you cross a 20-year-old man, and 37 steak knives?

25 years in prison

Homeless Man Jokes More Homeless Man Jokes

Why does the homeless man only drink coffee?

He had no proper tea..

What was the last thing that the homeless man heard before becoming a giant?

Go big or go home

Vacation Jokes More Vacation Jokes

What book did the rabbit take on vacation?

One with a hoppy ending.

Where does a pirate go on vacation?

Arrrrrland.

Shut Jokes More Shut Jokes

What does Deadpool need?

Someone to merc him shut up.

What do you call a seagull that lives by the Bay?

I don't know, but it won't shut up about the app it's developing.

Cause Jokes More Cause Jokes

Why are outdoor workers so in fit?

Cause they work out.

Why can't horses vote?

Cause their answer is always 'nay'. I'm sorry, I'll leave...

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

Why did people hate going on road trips with Kurt Cobain?

Because he always called shotgun

Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee?

Cause they hate the French press

Beach Jokes More Beach Jokes

What do you call a witch that goes to the beach?

Sandwich(sandwitch) -my nephew

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Thanks for all the sediment.

10 Jokes More 10 Jokes

Why was 10 afraid of 7?

Because 7 (eight) 9

Who are the fastest readers on earth?

9/11 victims.... They can clear 10 stories in 5 seconds.