Joke of the Day

What is the difference between Reddit and children's television?

Children don't throw tantrums when there's a rerun of some content.

Why is it a bad idea to change clothes at a Pokemon's house?

Because he might Pikachu!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What did SMG say to his son before he left for school?

Bizon

What does Jean Valjean use to listen to music?

Cosettes.

How do you disappoint a pack of redditors?

removed

Why are blond jokes so short?

So men can remember them.

Why didn't the monk's clothes fit properly?

Because he was cohabiting.

Why is it so cold in San Francisco?

Giant fans.

How many Apple workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to over hype the new lightbulb and one to make sure it breaks within a year.

Why is Christopher Walken so tired?

Because at night, he's always sleepwalken

What's the best rock to sleep on?

bed rock

Why was the pencil in the toilet?

It was a No. 2.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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How does a woman fix a ceiling problem?

She complains to a man.

Why don't you remove those barriers to imports?

It will ease my inflation and the benefits will trickle down.

What's that over there?

I don't know but I just got a raging clue

Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique?

It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"

When did 888 equal zero????

When Eight ate eight

What do you call it when you buy stocks of a clothing company?

A good in-vest-ment

What is a Canadian's Favorite Game?

Sorry!

What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track?

The Indy 500.

Why do the Irish wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

What do you call an orphan named Rose?

Self-raising flour

What's the bird of love?

The Swallow.

How does Samsung know its most loyal customers?

They check with the burn ward. (I'll get my coat)

What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion?

Ryan

How do you make a dog meow?

Put it in the freezer for three days. Run it through a bandsaw. Meoooooow.

What did Ted Cruz's wife get after being elbowed by him?

A Ted Bruz

What is this movie about?

It is about 2 hours long.

What wind is best for footballs?

Drew Brees

What do you call a physicist who makes lets play videos?

Quarkiplier

What do you call an Italian guy with a rubber toe?

Roberto

What do you call a midget in a hospital waiting room constantly complaining about how long he's been waiting?

Imp-Patient!

What do you call a stripper with a cattle prod?

Electrifying entertainment.

What does a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do at night?

Lie in bed wondering "Is there really a dog?"

What do the Chinese call their spies?

Secret Asians.

What is the difference between "ooo" and "aaa"?

About three centimeters.

What makes a USPS joke funny?

The delivery.

Why did they go from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

Cause Seven ate Windows 9

Why are you being so distant?

Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole

Why does Tiger Woods make the best milkshakes?

He uses the best ingredients.

What did the pirate say when asked how old he was?

Aye Matey!

Maxi Pad Jokes More Maxi Pad Jokes

How do you put out a maxipad fire?

You tampon it.

What do you get when you cross menstruation and apples?

The MaxiPad

Spy Jokes More Spy Jokes

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

What kind of spy hangs out in department stores?

A: A counter spy.

I'm Jokes More I'm Jokes

What did one fish say to the other during the race?

I'M GOING TILAPIA!!!

Whatcha doin?

Papa would say, "I'M MINDING MY OWN DAMN BUSINESS." Best advice ever.

Cross Fitter Jokes More Cross Fitter Jokes

What do a Bernie Sanders supporter, a Cross-Fitter, and a person with Herpes have in common?

They all "Feel The Burn!"

How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

Filipino Jokes More Filipino Jokes

How many Filipinos can you fit on a jeepney?

One more.

What do you call a party with no Filipino people?

A no-Nguyen scenario.

Action Jokes More Action Jokes

What do you call the action where a dead guy falls out of a car and you have to put him back in?

A rehearsal

Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him?

He stung her into action.

Establish Jokes More Establish Jokes

How many x does it take to change a lightbulb?

f(x), where f(x) = the optimal number of x for establishing a humorous stereotype.

Why do people say that Canadians always want to establish that they're Canadian?

As a Canadian, this offends me.

10 Year Old Jokes More 10 Year Old Jokes

What shape is your hair in the morning?

A wrecktangle. (Made up by my 10 year old daughter :)

How can you be so sure?

I was 10 years old yesterday.