Joke of the Day

How many servers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

That's not my sidework!

Why can't Helen Keller use an iPhone?

Because she's dead.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to get it 95% done, and the second to give it the twist at the end.

What do a German says when you show him a good meme?

Danke

What steps should you take if you see a dangerous animal on your travels?

Very large ones.

Why did the phone keep walking into the wall?

It lost its contacts.

What do women and rocks have in common?

You can skip the flat ones.

What does an author have after they get abdominal surgery?

A semi-colon

What do you call a Quadriplegic in the ocean?

Bob. *I'm so sorry*

What advice would you give to a fish?

Stay in school and keep up with current affairs.

Why are Australians so well balanced?

They have a chip on both shoulders.

How did it work ?

We haven't spoken for five years".

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking?

A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home

What do you call a Japanese Halloween Cake?

Bookkake

Why did the psych ward escapee never get married?

He had a fear of commitment

What do you get when you cross a Sith Lord, and a Donkey?

Darth Mule! A joke, from third grade me... Happy Star Wars day!

Which is the oldest animal?

Zebra. Coz they are still living in black and white.

What are you thinking of?

He says: "Nothing." and disappears.

What's the difference between a toilet and a graveyard?

Nothing. When you have to go, you have to go.

What flavor is the milkshake?

How far away is the yard How could you know its better than mine You seem, frankly, a bit overconfident.

Why was Mr. Behaving sad?

His daughter was always Ms. Behaving.

What did one ghost say to the other?

Do you believe in people

What can be surmised from this?

A: The frog's probably on its way to a gig.

Why did the cowboy's car stop?

It had Injun (engine) trouble.

Why is this wet?

she asks. "Because it's below C level."

What's the fastest drink in the world ?

Sonic the eggnog.

How do you stir up the politics in a Coca Cola drink?

You add ices.

What do you call taking a dump after breakfast?

A Brexit

What do you get if you cross a baby with soldiers ?

Infantry !

Whats better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?

Not being retarded.

What's an empty suit of armor doing on the drivers side of a car?

He went out for the knight. OK I'll leave now

Why does the Earth love geologists?

They really get it's rocks off

What does an electrician say while meditating?

Ohm... Ohm...

What game should you play to get your mother's attention?

PokeMom

What do you call a sick dictator?

Kim Jong-ILL . . . . . Ill show myshelf out...

What do you call a Cadillac with a staircase on the back?

An escalador.

What did the potato ask the cow?

Give me some milk, and we can make mashed potatoes.

What do ISIS and anime fans have in common?

They both get hot and bothered over cartoons.

What do you call 1000 lesbians with guns?

Militia Etheridge

Why do the Irish have 239 beans in their soup?

If they had one more it would be to farty

What PC does Adele use?

A Dell.

Pediatrician Jokes More Pediatrician Jokes

Why wasn't the pediatrician impressed with the new year's eve Times Square ball drop?

Because he has seen plenty of balls drop. (Sorry)

What do you call data on a Pediatricians computer?

Pedi-files

Favorite City Jokes More Favorite City Jokes

What's your favorite city in Thailand?

Phuket, I don't know...

What's your favorite city in China?

Taiwan

Baby Elephant Jokes More Baby Elephant Jokes

What did the baby elephant get when the daddy elephant sneezed ?

Out of the way !

When should you feed milk to a baby elephant ?

When it's a baby elephant !

Red House Jokes More Red House Jokes

Who lives in the green house?

Me: I don't know Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house? Me: The red guy Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house? Me: The blue guy Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house? Me: The yellow guy Her: Who lives in the white house? Now since I've heard this "riddle" before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out: The black guy!!

Who lives there?

The yellow man lives in the yellow house. The purple man lives in the purple house. The red man in the red house. And the blue man in the blue house. So who lives in the White House? The black man. It's better in person, I'm so sorry.

Battery Jokes More Battery Jokes

When should you charge a battery?

A: When you can't pay cash.

Why was the Energizer Bunny tried in court?

He was charged with battery.

5 Inch Jokes More 5 Inch Jokes

What's the difference between an "Ooh" and an "Aah"?

About 5 inches.

Why do women make bad engineers?

Their whole lives they have been told 5 inches is 8

Edison Jokes More Edison Jokes

What do you call a stolen Tesla Car?

Edison.

What do you call a stolen Tesla?

An Edison

White Chocolate Jokes More White Chocolate Jokes

Why did people make white chocolate?

So black kids could get dirty faces too.

Why did they invent white chocolate?

So black kids could get messy too.