Australia Jokes

How do you write poop in Australia?

dood

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What's the difference between Britain and Australia?

When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse.

What's the difference between Australia and Yogurt?

Culture

What do you call an Australian singer who was born in Australia?

Aussie Aus-born.

What do space-related scientists call themselves in Australia?

Austronomers

What did Tony Abbott do when he heard Denmark had surplus wind power ?

Cut funding for wind power in Australia

Which phone is most sold in Australia?

The htc M8. Oi mate

Why wouldn't you hire bears from Australia?

Because they don't have the necessary koalafications. (Derived from: )

What's upside down and downside up at the same time ?

A kid with cerebral palsy living in Australia

Why does Saudi Arabia import so many camels from Australia?

They've got to get their 72 virgins

Why can't bears get jobs in Australia?

They don't have the right koalfications!

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What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and an elephant?

Big holes all over Australia!

Which I replied, "Wanna know whats also the size of Australia?

Australia.

Why is a blonde like Australia?

A: They're both down under and no one cares.

Who is the most famous DJ in Australia?

DJ Redo

What do you call a nutty dog in Australia ?

A dingo-ling !

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo ?

Big holes all over Australia !

What did one cracker say to the other?

Let's conquer the Americas, Africa, Australia, and Asia."

Whats the difference between Australia and a yoghurt?

Leave a yoghurt out in the sun for 300 years and it'll develop a culture

Why wasn't Jesus born in Australia?

They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Why was Jesus not born in Australia?

Because God could not find three wise men and a virgin.

Which country's currency weighs as much as it's worth?

Australia. Because five $0.20 coins are about half a pound.

Who was that on the phone Fred?

Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down !

Why did jesus not go to australia?

He couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Why is chess confusing in Australia?

That's check, mate."

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Yogurt Jokes More Yogurt Jokes

What's the difference between yogurt and America?

Yogurt could develop a culture after 200 years

What's the difference between yogurt and white people?

If left out for 4,000 years, yogurt will develop culture.

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

What type of phones do fish use?

Shellular*, of course...

Who was that on the phone Fred?

Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down !

Camel Jokes More Camel Jokes

What do you call a camel with 3 humps?

Humphrey. (I was told this joke by an actual dad, it was his response to one of my jokes)

What do missiles, camels, and common fetishes have in common?

What " " -Toes." "Out. Just get out."

Saudi Arabia Jokes More Saudi Arabia Jokes

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

Why does Saudi Arabia import so many camels from Australia?

They've got to get their 72 virgins

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

How do you keep a blonde busy?

Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a page and hand it to her.

What is everyone writing songs about?

John: revolution Paul: forgiveness George: true love Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom "Are these my brains?

Not yet," she replied

When my girlfriend asks "mom, what are you doing!?

I reply "Taxes."

Size Jokes More Size Jokes

How do hens always know what size your egg cup is?

They don't but all eggs always fit.

What do you call a military base that has quadrupled in size?

Four-tified

Mate Jokes More Mate Jokes

What does a cow call his mate?

Oxfam.

Why couldn't the t-rex find a mate?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction.