Piggy Jokes

Why can't Kermit and Miss Piggy count to one hundred?

Because every time they get to 69, Miss Piggy gets a frog in her throat.

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Why was Miss Piggy sick for her show?

There was a frog in her throat.

Why did Miss Piggy call in sick to work?

Because she had a frog in her throat.

What did Miss Piggy say to Kermit at the end of their first date?

Nothing. She had a frog in her throat.

Why cant Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 she ends up with a frog in her throat.

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?

At 69 she always gets a frog in her throat.

Why did Mrs. Piggy's relationship fail?

She couldn't stand making Kermitments

Why couldn't Miss Piggy count to 70?

She got a frog stuck in her throat at 69.

Why was the centipede late ?

Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother !

Why does Ms. Piggy use honey and vinegar douche?

Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

What's green and smells like Ms. Piggy?

The Boston Celtics

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Why can't Ms. Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 she has a Frog in her throat.

Why does Mrs. Piggy douche with honey?

A. Because Kermit the frog likes sweet and sour pork.

Where does David Cameron keep his hidden money?

In the Piggy bank

Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy?

Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)

What's the name of your former bank?

I said, "Piggy"

How high can Miss Piggy count?

68, because at 69 she gets a frog in her throat...

Why did Kermit break up with Miss Piggy?

He wasn't ready for a Kermitment.

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Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What kind of cancer always stands by the government?

Pro-state cancer.

What did Alan Rickman say as he stood over David Bowie's grave?

Mind if I Slytherin

Throat Jokes More Throat Jokes

Why couldn't Miss Piggy count to 100?

Because when she got to 69, there was a frog in her throat.

Why can't Ms. Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 she has a Frog in her throat.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why do prison guards use Proactive all the time?

So they can prevent breakouts.

How do you call the social media that your grandmother uses?

Instagran

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

Why couldn't Princess Leia get any dates?

She was looking for Alderaan men.

When I was young I wanted to date a doctor for money. Can you believe how superficial I was?

Now I would date him for the prescriptions.

Reach Jokes More Reach Jokes

Why can't penguins fly?

They're too short to reach the controls of the plane.

Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long?

I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

When was pasta introduced to the Middle East?

when someone fed a genie alfredo

How is my wife doing?

Doctor: I'm so sorry. The accident has left her in a vegetative-like state and I don't think she'll ever recover. She can barely move her limbs, if at all, and will be confined to a bed or wheelchair without the ability to ever walk again. You'll need to care for her 24/7, clothe her, feed her, bathe her, and she'll have no control of her bladder or bowels. Again, I'm so, so, sorry... ..... ..... ..... Just kidding! She's dead.

Stick Jokes More Stick Jokes

What happened to the number 10?

It got stuck in 9/11

Why did the bubblegum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chicken's legs.

Not Miss Piggy Jokes More Not Miss Piggy Jokes

Why cant Miss Piggy count to 100?

Every time she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.

Why cant Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 she ends up with a frog in her throat.