Flight Jokes

Why did Edward miss his flight out of Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

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What do you call a flight commandeered by pirates?

A peg leg.

What do you call a pretentious criminal going down a flight of stairs?

A condescending condescending

What do you call a snarky criminal going down a flight of stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What do you get when you throw a Canadian down a flight of stairs?

An apology.

What's the difference between a cloths hanger and a flight of stairs?

The cloths hanger only solves one problem.

How do Chinese people name their kids?

They throw silverware down a flight of stairs....ting, tong, ping, ding

How many cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs?

None. He "fell".

How long is the flight?

A Polish man calls up an airline. "How long is the flight from Chicago to Warsaw?" "One minute..." "Thank you."

What is the biggest key when moving a piano up a flight of stairs?

Be sharp or Be flat.

Why did the flight from Warsaw to Moscow crash?

There were Poles on the right half of the plane.

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Why did the vulture get kicked off the flight?

He brought the wrong carrion.

How do you get rid of somebody?

Give them a ticket for a flight on Malaysian Airlines and hope that they will live up to their reputation!

How did the Somali terrorist describe his flight?

It was dynamite!"

Why so angry, you cute little fella?

The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."

How does a flight of steps check out a woman?

It stares.

What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?

They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.

What is black and white and screams?

A. A nun falling down a flight of stairs.

What do you call in-flight pilot training?

Air conditioning.

How to climb a flight of stairs?

Step one Step two Step three

What is the best way to avoid having your flight bombed?

Bring your own bomb! Cause what are the odds that there are **two** bombs on the same plane

How much does a flight to Rio cost?

A Brazilian dollars.

How does a Chinese family name their children?

They throw 3-9 pots and pans down a flight of stairs.

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Luggage Jokes More Luggage Jokes

What is Queen's (the band, not the monarch) favourite type of luggage?

carry ooooooooonnnn, carry ooooooonnnnnnnnnn

Why did the vulture have to check some luggage at the gate?

It was only allowed one piece of carrion.

Crash Jokes More Crash Jokes

Who is he?

Crash Bandicoot God I miss this guy.

Why don't we let Google Chrome drive?

Because it crashes all the time.

Heaven Jokes More Heaven Jokes

Why did the banjo player get into heaven?

The devil has standards.

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD

Snarky Criminal Jokes More Snarky Criminal Jokes

What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What do you call a snarky criminal walking down stairs?

A condescending con descending.

Vulture Jokes More Vulture Jokes

Whats the similarity between a reddit user and a vulture?

Both are dead inside.

Why'd the vulture check his bag?

The airline didn't allow carrion luggage.

Accept Jokes More Accept Jokes

How many Android users does it take to buy an iPhone?

Zero. Apple doesn't accept EBT.

How many homophobes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They don't accept change, even if it means a brighter world.

Minute Jokes More Minute Jokes

How do you get a woman to stop texting you?

Reply to her message within a minute

What are your intentions?

Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating." ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years."

Peg Leg Jokes More Peg Leg Jokes

What do you call a flight commandeered by pirates?

A peg leg.

Why was the 'P' irate?

Because his peg leg made him go 'R'