Quack Jokes

What is sticky and quacks?

Duck tape!

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Why do ducks make the best detectives?

They always quack the case

When do you use duct tape on a duck?

When he's quacked.

What has four legs and quacks?

A paradox

What happens when ducks fly upside down??

They quack up

Why did the man throw duck food at Nurse Jackie?

Because she was a quack.

What do ducks get hooked on?

Quack

Why can't ducks tell jokes when they fly?

Cause they would quack up.

Why are ducks funny?

Cause they be quacking jokes

What's so lame about a duck President?

Pieces of bread, quacking, getting into all types of duck antics in the Oval Office! I'm game!

Why did the Easter Bunny have to fire the duck?

Because he kept quacking all the eggs!

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What does Dr. Oz do when you throw scientific evidence at his head?

Ducks like a quack.

What is a detective duck supposed to do?

Quack the case! I'll show myself out.

What did did the mother duck say to her duckling?

A: "If you don't behave, I'm gonna quack you one."

Why were the ducks arrested?

They were selling quack in the park.

Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia ?

Must have been a duck family A duck family Didn't you say there was a quack in it !

What are you on?

I said to him. "Quack" said the duck.

What do you call a duck addicted to crack?

A quack head. What is a ducks favorite snack Quackers. Why couldn't the duck drive his car His windshield was quacked.

What're you here for?

asks the desk lady. "I'm addicted to quack."

Why do ducks make great detectives?

They always quack the case.

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It turns Noooo! Noooo! Noooo!......to..... Mmmmm, Mmmmm, Mmmmm.

Whats the best thing about duct tape?

It turns NO! NO! NO! into MMM MMM MMM

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Why wasn't the patient concerned when she was told she had a brain tumor?

The doctor said it was all in her head

What did the gentleman say to the doctor when he went to get his pus drained?

Please! I in cyst!

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Eric Clapton never lost a bag of coke out the window.

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What do ducks use to get high?

Quack cocaine

What sort of drug does a duck use?

Quack cocaine

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What is the difference between a dancer and a duck?

One goes quick on her beautiful legs the other goes quack on her beautiful legs.

How do you know if a Polak is there?

A: He's the one with a duck.

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What did the duck do after he lost his wife, his job, and his house?

He became a quack head

Why couldn't the giraffe get a job at the bank?

They weren't hiring.

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What is my relationship?

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Why couldn't Muhammad pick his wife up from childcare?

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