Grandma Jokes

What do you call a grandma that know martial arts?

A grandmartial artist. I apologise for any lost brain cells.

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Who is your Grandma's favorite politician?

Bernie Sandmaster Flash

What did Grandma say to the frog?

Something racist, probably.

What's the name of that German guy that keeps hiding my stuff around the house?

Alzheimer, Grandma.

What did 50 cent say to his grandma when he saw her knitting?

Gee U Knit!"

How long do you need to put the turkey in the oven for?

Mine was dead within 30 minutes (credit goes to my Grandma)

What happens when you put your grandma on speedial?

You get Insta-Gram

Why was the cotton candy singing?

Grandma, hush, that's Nicki Minaj

What did grandma say to grandpa while in bed?

Keep it up!

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your boxer shorts?

Your grandma.

What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?

Grandma and grandpa.

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Why is grandpa fine with performing tricks, but gets mad if you ask grandma?

It took him forever to get her off that street corner.

What did Rihanna say to her grandma with Alzheimer's?

Oh na na, what's my name

What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she gave him a scarf for Christmas?

Gee, you knit

Why is that cotton candy talking?

Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj.

What's the difference between my Grandma and the FBI?

My Grandma can unlock an iphone.

What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma?

When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.

Why'd it take Little Red Riding Hood so long to figure out it wasnt her grandma?

I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana

Why do we have 52,455,865 pictures of Grandma?

my future grandchildren probably

What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster?

Grandma monster

What did the cow say... What did the cow say when she jumped over the barbed wire fence?

I'm udderly ruined!" credit: my grandma, at every party she's ever been to

When I was your age I ate every one. Mary: Do you still like crusts Grandma?

Grandma: Yes I do. Mary: Well you can have mine.

What's pink and wrinkled and hangs out your undies?

Your grandma.

How old is your Grandma?

I dunno but we've had him a long time.

How old do I look?

9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any

What is it Johnny?

Does Grandma know anything about car mechanics " "No, why " "She's outside, under a bus"

What do you call your grandma on speed dial?

Instragram!

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Where did Mary go during the bombing?

Everywhere

Where did Mary go when the bombs went off?

Everywhere.

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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room

Who takes the best selfies in LA?

I need someone good to do mine.

30 Minute Jokes More 30 Minute Jokes

Why does your face look like a donut?

me 30 minutes into dieting

How do you hear a hormone?

Pay $100 for 30 minutes

I Phone Jokes More I Phone Jokes

What's the iPhone's favorite football team?

The Chargers.

How best to save the iPhone from FBI?

Crack it before they hack it.

Fbi Jokes More Fbi Jokes

Why was Aron Ralston arrested by the FBI?

For giving arms to Iraq.

What are Hillary's convictions?

The FBI hasn't announced her indictment yet, but hopefully it will lead to at least one

Grandpa Jokes More Grandpa Jokes

What does rock music and my grandpa have in common?

The Strokes

What did grandma say to grandpa while in bed?

Keep it up!

Frog Jokes More Frog Jokes

How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs ?

They sit eggsaminations !

What did the dolphin say to the frog?

Eeeee eeee eeeee ieeeee eeee eee. Dolphins don't talk dummy.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What did the fisherman do when he really liked a woman?

He invited her over to net fish and krill.

How long does it take a necrophiliac to screw in a light bulb?

Not long... they like to do it while it's still warm.