Toast Jokes

What's the difference between Frenchmen and some toast?

You can make soldiers out of toast!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Coffee Mug

What did Shakespeare spread on his toast?

Blue Sonnet

What do astronauts put on their toast?

Space Jam.

Why did the plane crash?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread! Now he's toast

What do termites put on their toast?

Door jamb.

What does the Queen put on her toast?

Maamilade! Tada....... anyone? Anyone? I'll get my coat

What do neckbeards like to spread on their toast?

Marma'lady

What do you get if you put morphine on your toast?

Crumfortably Numb!

What did Jesus want when he appeared on a piece of toast?

Miracle whip.

How do you start a rave in Africa?

Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling

How do al-Qaeda like their toast?

Bean-laden

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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How does Darth Vader like his toast?

On the dark side.

What if they found the face of Jesus in a piece of toast but it was *actually* Jesus?

This is my body, I'm nice with jam."

What kind of cheese?

Me: "American..." Her: "Want it toasted " Me: "I'll just make it myself."

What do you call a piece of toast on the ceiling?

An Ethiopian rave.

What s the difference between toilet paper and toast?

Toast is brown on both sides.

What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?

They toasted the bride and groom.

Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?

Because people kept toasting him!

What do you call the outer edge of a piece of bread that has been toasted?

Crusty

What would Ed Sheeran taste like on a piece of toast?

gingerbread

How do you start a rave in Uganda ?

Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling

Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?

They say the business is toast.

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I'll column later.

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What do you get if you put morphine on your toast?

Crumfortably Numb!

What was David Bowie's last hit?

Probably Morphine

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How do you get a man in a coma hard?

Lick his Comatoes

What kind of fruit is also a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

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What did one loaf of bread say to the other?

Weirdo.

What kind of bread do Rednecks like?

Inbred

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Because of all the *ripostes*

Why did the bishop love Walmart?

Coz the boys pants are all half off.

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Why did Subway take Jared so seriously?

It was obvious he was kidding.

How is my wife doing?

Doctor: I'm so sorry. The accident has left her in a vegetative-like state and I don't think she'll ever recover. She can barely move her limbs, if at all, and will be confined to a bed or wheelchair without the ability to ever walk again. You'll need to care for her 24/7, clothe her, feed her, bathe her, and she'll have no control of her bladder or bowels. Again, I'm so, so, sorry... ..... ..... ..... Just kidding! She's dead.

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Why shouldn't you bowl against a snake?

Because snakes make lots of strikes.

What does Michigan State football and Marijuana have in common?

They are both green and get smoked in bowls!

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What did the guy with a neckbeard say when he had to mail something twice?

REPOST!"

What do you call a city full of neckbeards?

M'tropolis