Toast Jokes

What's the difference between Frenchmen and some toast?

You can make soldiers out of toast!

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What did Shakespeare spread on his toast?

Blue Sonnet

What do astronauts put on their toast?

Space Jam.

Why did the plane crash?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread! Now he's toast

What do termites put on their toast?

Door jamb.

What does the Queen put on her toast?

Maamilade! Tada....... anyone? Anyone? I'll get my coat

What do neckbeards like to spread on their toast?

Marma'lady

What do you get if you put morphine on your toast?

Crumfortably Numb!

What did Jesus want when he appeared on a piece of toast?

Miracle whip.

How do you start a rave in Africa?

Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling

How do al-Qaeda like their toast?

Bean-laden

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How does Darth Vader like his toast?

On the dark side.

What if they found the face of Jesus in a piece of toast but it was actually Jesus?

This is my body, I'm nice with jam."

What kind of cheese?

Me: "American..." Her: "Want it toasted " Me: "I'll just make it myself."

What do you call a piece of toast on the ceiling?

An Ethiopian rave.

What s the difference between toilet paper and toast?

Toast is brown on both sides.

What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?

They toasted the bride and groom.

Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?

Because people kept toasting him!

What do you call the outer edge of a piece of bread that has been toasted?

Crusty

What would Ed Sheeran taste like on a piece of toast?

gingerbread

How do you start a rave in Uganda ?

Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling

Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?

They say the business is toast.

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Loaf Jokes More Loaf Jokes

What did one loaf of bread say to the other?

Weirdo.

Why did the plane crash into the mountain?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

Wish Jokes More Wish Jokes

Whats the difference between a hippie on fire and a lifetime supply of patchouli?

I don't wish for a lifetime supply every time I smell patchouli.

How does Seth Macfarlane wishes you Eid Mubarrak?

Keep it in church, guys.

Side Jokes More Side Jokes

What side of the American flag are the stars on?

Both sides. Came from my FIL on this Memorial Day.

Why are Italians so good at football?

Because it involves changing sides halfway through.

Astronaut Jokes More Astronaut Jokes

Why wasn't the astronaut paying attention?

Because he was spaced out.

What do you call a black man in space?

An astronaut.

Cereal Jokes More Cereal Jokes

What did Pat Benatar say to the kid throwing cereal at her?

Stop using Chex as a weapon!

Why is a dance like a bowl of cereal?

They are both more enjoyable with dates!

Toilet Paper Jokes More Toilet Paper Jokes

Why did the toilet paper stop crossing the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

What do my jokes have in common with toilet paper?

They're both tearable.

Pregnant Girlfriend Jokes More Pregnant Girlfriend Jokes

What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?

In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier.

What's the difference between a light bulb and my pregnant girlfriend?

I can unscrew a lightbulb.

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What do a pregnant teenager, frozen beer, and a burned pizza have in common?

Some idiot forgot to pull it out in time.

What's burnt to a crisp and at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.